Notice: Function _load_textdomain_just_in_time was called incorrectly. Translation loading for the twentyfifteen domain was triggered too early. This is usually an indicator for some code in the plugin or theme running too early. Translations should be loaded at the init action or later. Please see Debugging in WordPress for more information. (This message was added in version 6.7.0.) in /chroot/home/a6f7779a/9d7429a5d9.nxcli.io/html/wp-includes/functions.php on line 6170 {"id":718,"date":"2016-09-10T11:42:00","date_gmt":"2016-09-10T16:42:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/frankdeleon.com\/?p=718"},"modified":"2016-09-10T11:42:00","modified_gmt":"2016-09-10T16:42:00","slug":"hell-freezes-over-part-two","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/frankdeleon.com\/?p=718","title":{"rendered":"Hell Freezes Over – Part Two"},"content":{"rendered":"

Hell Freezes Over<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n

Part Two<\/strong><\/p>\n

February 1963-February 1964<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n

Down for the Count<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n

The darkness was the worst.\u00a0 Even though the sun was staying up a few minutes more each day, my daily treks to the control room, chow hall, rec room and club, were all made via the darkened and claustrophobic hallways.\u00a0 Probably because of safety concerns due to severe weather and predators, there not very many windows in any of public access areas and none in the hallways\u2014all adding to the dark and depressing atmosphere within the radar station.<\/p>\n

A few weeks after I\u2019d had the first dream I walked back into my room after my work shift to find Tommy packing up his belongings.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey,\u201d he said as he finished shoving the last of his underwear into his duffle bag.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m moving into another room down the hall.\u00a0 It\u2019s a one-man room, so I asked if I could have it when it became vacant.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh,\u201d I said, a little bit surprised.\u00a0 \u201cSo, am I getting a new roommate?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know for sure, but I don\u2019t think so.\u00a0 Looks like you\u2019ll have this room all to yourself.\u00a0 At least for a while.\u201d<\/p>\n

I sat down on the edge of my bunk, understanding the real reason why he was leaving.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey Tommy, I\u2019m sorry for always waking you up\u2026you know\u2026when I have the nightmares.\u201d<\/p>\n

He avoided looking at me and just shrugged his shoulders.\u00a0 \u201cNaw, no sweat.\u00a0 I think us working these opposite shifts isn\u2019t doing either of us any good.\u00a0 So\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

He left the word hanging and zipped up his duffle.<\/p>\n

I sat on the edge of my bunk for a couple of minutes watching him finish putting some personal items into an empty shoe box, then decided that maybe I\u2019d just write a letter home.\u00a0 I got up and pulled the metal chair out from under the table and sat down, staring out of our one heavily grilled window into the frigid inky darkness.\u00a0 Opening the drawer on the right side of the table\/desk (my side), I pulled out the writing pad and a ball-point pen.\u00a0 Staring at the blank sheet of paper, I kept wondering to whom I should write, and what I should say.<\/p>\n

The back of my brain sent forth this suggestion:<\/p>\n

—\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Abby, <\/em><\/p>\n

Today my roommate left me.\u00a0 He\u2019s moving out because I scare the bejesus out of him every night whenever I wake up screaming after having my regularly scheduled, terrifyingly heart-stopping nightmare.<\/em><\/p>\n

What do I do now?<\/em><\/p>\n

Signed, <\/em><\/p>\n

Confused<\/em><\/p>\n

—<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Confused,<\/em><\/p>\n

I\u2019ll make this short and sweet.<\/em><\/p>\n

You\u2019re sort of worthless, right?\u00a0 So save us all a lot of trouble and just eat the barrel of your combat rifle already.<\/em><\/p>\n

Abby<\/em><\/p>\n

—<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cWell, I guess that\u2019s it.\u201d\u00a0 Tommy said, startling me out of my funk.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll be seeing you\u2026maybe at the club sometime.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSure, see you.\u201d I said, not looking up.<\/p>\n

I turned around as he walked out of the room and pulled the door closed behind him.\u00a0 I looked back down at the writing pad again, and felt a wave of deep sadness wash slowly over me.\u00a0 Losing the will to write, I put the pen down and got up, walking over to the door and flipping the light switch off, plunging my room into complete blackness.\u00a0 I stood there for a little while letting my eyes adjust to the darkness then carefully felt my way back to my bed.<\/p>\n

Still dressed in my full uniform, boots and all, I drew my knees up to my chest and pulled the sheet and thin olive-green blanket over my head.<\/p>\n

Never too far away from my mind, the damp stone cell slowly began taking shape and soon the rest of the dreadful dream began to play itself out\u2014ending exactly as it had every night for the past few months.<\/p>\n

Afterwards, laying on my bed in the darkness, frightened, trembling and slightly out of breath, I knew where I had to go and what I had to do.<\/p>\n

A few minutes later, having left my dark room and mechanically navigating the now familiar hallways, I climbed a stool in the near empty club and ordered my usual.\u00a0 A half empty bottle of Jack Daniels was placed before me, followed by a pitcher of cold water and an empty shot glass.\u00a0 After carefully pouring the first shot I brought the glass quickly up to my lips and closed my eyes.<\/p>\n

Throwing my head back, I let Mr. Daniels slide easily down my throat, suppressing that now very familiar gagging reflex.\u00a0 As the whiskey\u2019s hotness exploded in my upper abdomen I sent a swallow of ice-cold water down to quell the heat and help speed the mood-altering alcohol into my system.\u00a0 I swallowed a few more, waiting for the liquor\u2019s warmth to rise and float that numbness up and around my face and ratchet my mood down to its more manageable \u2018give-a-shit\u2019 setting.\u00a0 Chuckling at my self-deprecating humor, I slid off the stool to pay a visit to the men\u2019s room.<\/p>\n

Upon returning I found that my bottle had disappeared.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey Jack!\u00a0 What the fuck?\u00a0 I didn\u2019t I kill that bottle already, did I?\u201d\u00a0 I yelled, maybe a little too loud as I pulled myself onto the suddenly unsteady barstool.<\/p>\n

Another bartender, not Jack, came around from the opposite side of the bar.<\/p>\n

\u201cNope.\u00a0 You\u2019re done.\u00a0 Go back to your room and sleep it off!\u201d\u00a0 He said gruffly, while removing the half empty pitcher of water and my shot glass.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat?\u201d I responded angrily and loudly.\u00a0 \u201cWhat the fuck you talking about?\u00a0 I paid my tab a few days ago.\u00a0 I\u2019m good\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJust some friendly advice, Frank.\u201d The bartender interrupted, wiping down the little section of bar I was occupying, \u201cyou\u2019ve had enough, so I\u2019m cutting your ass off.\u00a0 Don\u2019t make a scene or I\u2019ll fucking put you on report.\u00a0 I don\u2019t want to have to do that, but I sure as fuck will if you keep giving me shit!\u00a0 So just ease on outta here and go to your room and sleep it off.\u201d<\/p>\n

For a few seconds I thought that maybe he was just kidding, so I tried to smile and stare him down at the same time.\u00a0 He stared back, not smiling.<\/p>\n

I broke my withering stare and looked around the bar.\u00a0 Everyone was either ignoring the situation, or throwing suspicious glances my way from the corners of their eyes.\u00a0 Not completely convinced that he was within his rights, I thought that if I just sat there he would have to give in eventually and serve me.<\/p>\n

Thankfully, a cloudy but semi-intelligent thought finally fought its way into my frontal lobes.\u00a0 You really need to get some rest because you have to work tomorrow.\u00a0 Plus, you sure don\u2019t want to be barred from the club because you pissed off the bartenders.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cOK, you win.\u201d\u00a0 The words came out slurred.\u00a0 I slid off the stool and walked unsteadily through the club\u2019s swinging saloon-like doors and headed for the hallway.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t really recall the walk back to my room, but I do remember pulling the wastebasket close to my bed as I lay my head down and the room began to spin.\u00a0 The rest of that night I got very little sleep as my body was constantly racked by violent spasms of nausea and my head tortured by a severe headache.\u00a0 Not having had anything to eat before visiting the club made my nausea worse, quickly advancing to a prolonged and agonizing period of dry heaves\u2014and leaving the bitter taste of bile in my mouth.<\/p>\n

Better late than never, the dream returned with a vengeance that night.<\/p>\n

Staggering into the control room a few hours later I was hoping that the assignment sheet had me working the dais for the first few hours of my shift. \u00a0If I had to go back behind the data board and stand on my feet for a couple of hours plotting tracks, I would surely die.<\/p>\n

As I pulled the \u201cAssignments\u201d clipboard off the wall I heard someone calling my name.\u00a0 I turned to see the shift sergeant motioning me to come with him.\u00a0 I hooked the clipboard back onto the wall and followed him into a small break room usually reserved for the Officer of the Shift.<\/p>\n

He held the door for me as I walked in and closed it behind me.<\/p>\n

\u201cOK,\u201d he started out, looking awfully serious.\u00a0 \u201cFirst off, you need to go back to your room and gargle some Listerine.\u00a0 You stink!\u201d<\/p>\n

I instantly closed my mouth and stopped breathing.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou got a fresh uniform to put on?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI think so.\u00a0 Why?\u00a0 What\u2019s wrong with this one?\u201d\u00a0 I looked down and realized that I was wearing the same uniform that I\u2019d slept in.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t ask any fucking questions!\u00a0 Just listen!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes sir!\u201d<\/p>\n

He looked at his watch.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s zero-six-twelve now\u2014so after you clean yourself up, you are to report to the base commander\u2019s office at zero-eight-hundred.\u00a0 Do you understand?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes sir.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd on second thought, take a long hot shower too.\u00a0 Maybe you can sweat some of that booze out of your system before you see the major.\u00a0 Questions?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, no.\u00a0 But is something wrong?\u00a0 Why do I have to see the commander?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMy God!\u00a0 You are a dumb shit, aren\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cUh\u2026I don\u2019t know\u2026I don\u2019t think so.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGet the fuck out of my sight and do what I\u2019ve asked you to do.\u00a0 You may not be around here for long as it is.\u00a0 Now, git!\u201d<\/p>\n

I turned around quickly and fumbled with the door knob.\u00a0 My hands were shaking, but I wasn\u2019t sure if it was because I was scared out of my head or whether it was the result of my vicious hangover.<\/p>\n

Navigating the hallways, I hurried back to my room and stripped off my uniform.\u00a0 Checking the metal pole where I kept my uniforms on hangers I thankfully saw one fresh green fatigue uniform that I had apparently laundered and ironed sometime the day before.<\/p>\n

My mind was racing, trying to figure out what had gone so wrong that the base commander had to get involved.\u00a0 Standing under the steaming water a few minutes later I felt my stomach jump as the thought of something going wrong with Sharon\u2019s pregnancy entered my mind.<\/p>\n

Jesus!\u00a0 <\/em>I thought, a little panicked.\u00a0 What if something\u2019s happened to her or the baby?\u00a0 <\/em>I hadn\u2019t had a letter from her for a couple of weeks, and the last one didn\u2019t sound very positive.\u00a0 She spoke about hoping the time that we were apart would go fast because she wasn\u2019t feeling too comfortable lately.\u00a0 When I\u2019d read that line I assumed she was speaking about her pregnancy and the size of her belly.\u00a0 But what if something else was going wrong?<\/p>\n

I hurried to finish my shower and suddenly I wanted the meeting with the base commander to happen sooner than zero-eight-hundred.\u00a0 Maybe he had received some bad news that had been kept from me.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

\u201cMajor Rusk will see you now!\u201d\u00a0 The notification coming from the ancient-looking airman second class orderly.\u00a0 He held the door open as I all but leaped out from the chair where I\u2019d been sitting for the last thirty minutes.<\/p>\n

\u201cAirman DeLe\u00f3n, reporting as ordered, sir!\u201d\u00a0 I popped as sharp a salute as I could manage.<\/p>\n

The major, arms crossed and sitting comfortably in a large brown leather chair, stared at me for a few moments then calmly ordered, \u201cStand at ease, airman.\u201d<\/p>\n

I relaxed and positioned my feet so that they were in line with my shoulders, just as I\u2019d been taught in basic training.<\/p>\n

The major, a heavy-set slightly balding and sad-looking man probably in his fifties, looked me over and appeared to take a deep breath.\u00a0 I\u2019d seen him a few times in the club, usually always sitting alone, nursing a Pabst Blue Ribbon and pensively smoking a cigarette.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy don\u2019t we just go over here and talk?\u201d\u00a0 He motioned to a medium-sized leather couch positioned to his left and with a little grunt, slowly extricated himself from his large desk chair.<\/p>\n

My internal worry machine began to pump out heavy doses of adrenaline and a little shudder passed through my body as I meekly followed him to the couch.\u00a0 He sat on one end, placing a pair of reading glasses on his nose, while I stiffly took my place at the opposite end.<\/p>\n

Sitting, my back arched, and with my hands on my knees mainly to keep them from shaking, I noticed that he had a sheet of paper in his hands and was studying it intently.<\/p>\n

I wanted to pee so badly.<\/p>\n

\u201cOK, son.\u00a0 You\u2019ve been here\u2026what?\u00a0 About two months?\u201d\u00a0 He asked softly, his eyes never leaving the sheet of paper.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes sir.\u00a0 Well, maybe closer to three.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah.\u00a0 February 12^{th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Right?\u2019<\/p>\n}

\u201cYes sir.<\/p>\n

\u201cSays here you\u2019re married\u2026with a small child.\u00a0 Right?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes sir.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWife is\u2026where?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAt my parents\u2019 home, in Houston, sir.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHmm.\u00a0 She doing OK?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI think so.\u00a0 She doesn\u2019t write much.\u00a0 But I\u2019m thinking that it\u2019s because she\u2019s so busy with Ricky\u2026my son, and probably not feeling too well with our second child on the way.\u201d<\/p>\n

His eyes popped up over the sheet of paper.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019ve got another child on the way?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, sir.\u00a0 Due in August.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDid you know that she was pregnant when you got your orders to come here?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, yes sir.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd you didn\u2019t think to appeal your remote assignment?\u201d<\/p>\n

The question shocked me, and blanked out my already struggling thought processes.<\/p>\n

\u201cUh, I don\u2019t know, sir.\u00a0 I mean, I didn\u2019t know I could.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo when you were notified about your orders to a remote station did your base commander there in\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWinnemucca, sir.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, Winnemucca.\u00a0 Anyway, did he know about your wife being pregnant?\u201d<\/p>\n

I tried to think back to that day but the visual just wouldn\u2019t come up.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know, sir.\u00a0 I can\u2019t remember, but probably not.\u201d<\/p>\n

He put the paper down and rubbed his unshaven chin.\u00a0 \u201cWell, it\u2019s highly unusual for an airman, already with an infant and another one on the way, to be sent to a remote posting.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI didn\u2019t know that, sir.\u00a0 I\u2019m sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n

He took a long breath and looked long and hard at the ceiling.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, it seems that that\u2019s now water under the bridge, isn\u2019t it?\u201d<\/p>\n

I shrugged, not knowing how to answer the odd question.\u00a0 A few very long minutes passed and the major continued to stare at the ceiling, as if he\u2019d spotted something very interesting hanging up there.<\/p>\n

I resisted looking up, and instead kept my eyes on the now slightly wrinkled sheet of paper.<\/p>\n

Finally, he broke his gaze and leveled his eyes at me.<\/p>\n

\u201cLet\u2019s talk about what\u2019s going on with you, OK?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWith me?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll get right to the point.\u00a0 You\u2019ve been drinking a lot\u2014do you realize that?\u201d<\/p>\n

The question froze me like a grazing deer who\u2019s just heard a twig snap.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell\u2026\u201d\u00a0 I said, and let the word drift off into nothingness.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, the reports I\u2019ve received from your shift commanders and the guys at the club say that you\u2019re drinking just about every day.\u00a0 Also, your physical condition when you report to work is\u2026well, less than satisfactory.\u201d<\/p>\n

My mouth felt like it was full of cotton, and my shoulders started to tremble.\u00a0 My thoughts were scattered to the point that I couldn\u2019t form any intelligent response to his statements.\u00a0 A fear, beginning low in my bowels began to rise through my abdomen and set my teeth to chattering.<\/p>\n

I dared not blink because I felt the dream lurking just behind my twitching eyelids.<\/p>\n

\u201cAirman.\u00a0 Are you having some problems?\u00a0 Money?\u00a0 Health?\u00a0 Is someone bullying you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo sir.\u00a0 Nothing like that.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, usually when someone drinks as much as you seem to have been doing for a couple of months it means there\u2019s something bothering him.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, I\u2019ve not been able to sleep very well for a long time.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cInsomnia?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo sir.\u00a0 Dreams\u2026well, actually just one dream.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDreams?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI keep having a bad dream sir.\u00a0 Very bad.\u00a0 Every night.\u00a0 I\u2019m afraid to sleep\u2026that is, it\u2019s hard for me to sleep because as soon as I do\u2026fall asleep\u2026the dream returns.\u00a0 So I drink, thinking that maybe that one night I won\u2019t dream\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

The words came tumbling out of my mouth without my first having thought them out.\u00a0 I heard them as if someone else were saying them for me.<\/p>\n

\u201cDreams?\u201d\u00a0 He asked.\u00a0 \u201cSo you\u2019re drinking to avoid having dreams?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDream, sir.\u00a0 Just one dream.\u00a0 Every night.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re having the same dream every night?\u201d<\/p>\n

My whole body was trembling now, and my words were getting hard to form.\u00a0 \u201cYes sir, the same dream.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIs it like a nightmare?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know, sir\u2026I guess.\u00a0 It\u2019s a very bad, but very real dream.\u00a0 I wake up screaming.\u00a0 My roommate just moved out to another room because of it.\u201d<\/p>\n

The major put the sheet of paper down behind him and slid over closer to me.<\/p>\n

\u201cHave you told anyone about this dream?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGod no!\u00a0 If I did, everyone would think I\u2019m crazy.\u00a0 No!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCan you tell me about it?\u00a0 The dream?\u201d<\/p>\n

My vision suddenly got very blurry as my eyes filled with tears.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t think I can.\u201d\u00a0 My trembling voice said.\u00a0 \u201cNot all of it.\u00a0 I know it\u2019s just a dream, but it\u2019s killing me.\u00a0 After I wake up I\u2019m all sweaty and scared to death.\u00a0 Then I start thinking that the only way not to have the dream is to\u2026oh, I don\u2019t know.\u00a0 So, I think that I have to drink, you see, because if I don\u2019t I\u2019m afraid I won\u2019t have the strength to keep from doing something to myself.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDo you have the dream even after you drink?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, but it comes much later, I think.\u201d\u00a0 And with that I couldn\u2019t hold my emotions back anymore and the dam broke.\u00a0 I cried uncontrollably and shamelessly.\u00a0 I thought about Sharon\u2026so far away\u2026and my little Ricky.\u00a0 And I cried more.\u00a0 I slid off the couch onto the floor and turned to bury my face in the cushion.<\/p>\n

I heard the click of the door as the major closed the door behind him as he left the office.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

A few minutes later he opened the door and stepped in quietly.\u00a0 Behind him was one of the orderlies who also subbed as our medic.\u00a0 I pushed myself off the floor and slid back onto the couch, wiping my face with the sleeve of my uniform shirt.<\/p>\n

\u201cSon,\u201d the major said softly, sitting down quickly next to me.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m going to put you on medical leave for the next few days, OK?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat?\u201d I asked, a bit confused.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes.\u00a0 And you\u2019re going to be spending a little time with the medic here.\u00a0 He\u2019s going to give you some sedatives to calm you down and help you sleep.\u00a0 Until he releases you, you\u2019re going to be under his care\u2026and I\u2019ll look in on you too, just to make sure you\u2019re alright.\u00a0 OK?\u201d<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t know what to say, so I just put my head down and looked at the floor.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo one, besides us three, will know what\u2019s happened here or why you\u2019re on medical leave.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to make an entry into your medical record that you\u2019ve come down with a little bit of a blood infection, and until you\u2019re better you\u2019ll be off duty.\u00a0 I\u2019ll make sure your shift commander and sergeant are briefed as such, so you don\u2019t have to explain anything to anyone.\u00a0 Understand?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes sir, I think I do.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo, for the next two or maybe three days you will stay in the infirmary\u2026we\u2019ll call it \u2018isolation\u2019 for lack of a better word, until we, me and the medic, think your system is clear of alcohol and you can sleep.\u00a0 Understand?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes sir.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019ll take all your meals there, and we\u2019ll make sure you have plenty of things to keep your mind occupied while you recuperate a bit.\u00a0 You\u2019ve done quite a bit of physical and mental damage to yourself, I suspect, so we\u2019re going to try to get you back in shape.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI understand, sir.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLook, I\u2019m not a licensed psychologist although that\u2019s what I wanted to be before I went to college, and because of that I did a lot of reading in that field a long time ago; so I think I know when someone\u2019s depressed.\u00a0 Now, what I\u2019m really supposed to do is make a call to headquarters at Elmendorf and report your activities and mental condition.\u00a0 But, if I do that they\u2019ll send a helicopter to evacuate you.\u00a0 Once you\u2019re there you\u2019ll be placed in some psycho ward, mentally evaluated, and given drugs until they turn you into a fucking zombie.\u00a0 Once that happens you\u2019ll be classified as unfit, medically discharged and sent home.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNow I know that sounds a bit tempting\u2026the going home part, that is.\u00a0 But believe me, you will be fucked for the rest of your life.\u00a0 You\u2019ll never be able to get a good job, you\u2019ll be looked at as some mental case when your military record is reviewed, and in short you will never recover from what I think is something that is completely curable.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s what I think is going on: Simply put, I think you\u2019re very lonely, you miss your wife and child terribly, and you\u2019re worried to death about what\u2019s going to happen to your family when your new baby is born.\u00a0 Secondly, this dream you say you keep having is probably the result of some guilt you\u2019re feeling because of your having to leave your wife and child alone for a year.\u00a0 I\u2019m assuming you didn\u2019t do much traveling before you joined the service.\u00a0 Is that right?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s right, sir.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOK, you with me so far?\u201d<\/p>\n

His words were whizzing by me and around me and I wasn\u2019t sure I was understanding everything that he was saying.\u00a0 I wanted to say \u2018yes\u2019, but suddenly my throat was completely choked up and all I could manage was a nod.<\/p>\n

They both helped me up and the medic led me out of the major\u2019s office.\u00a0 We traveled down a hall that I\u2019d seldom seen and entered a brightly lit room through a door with a red cross painted on it.<\/p>\n

It smelled so clean and fresh in there, and the bright white walls almost hurt my eyes.\u00a0 I was led through a second door and into a smaller room.\u00a0 It was larger than my own room and it was painted a soothing pastel green.\u00a0 Along one wall there was a neatly made bed with a mattress twice as thick as mine, and made up with a thick white blanket and puffy pillow.<\/p>\n

\u201cThis\u2019ll be where you\u2019ll be staying for the next few days.\u201d The medic said.\u00a0 \u201cThere\u2019s a bathroom and shower through that door, and in this cabinet are some scrubs that you\u2019ll be wearing while you\u2019re here.\u201d<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t know what \u2018scrubs\u2019 were, but when I saw them I understood.<\/p>\n

\u201cThis isn\u2019t detention, so you\u2019re free to come and go, but I guarantee you that after I give you the sedative you\u2019ll want to do nothing but sleep.\u00a0 Besides, you don\u2019t want anyone else seeing you in scrubs.\u201d<\/p>\n

He left for a few minutes while I changed out of my uniform and into the white scrubs.<\/p>\n

\u201cOK,\u201d he said, as he came back in carrying a hypodermic on a silver tray.\u00a0 \u201cThis\u2019ll sting just a bit at first, but soon you\u2019ll be feeling pretty mellow.\u201d<\/p>\n

I\u2019d never seen such a large needle in all my life.<\/p>\n

\u201cTurn around and pull your pants down over your right cheek.\u201d<\/p>\n

I hardly felt the needle as he plunged it into my right hip, but as he pushed the drug into the muscle the sting was sharp and deep.<\/p>\n

\u201cOK, that\u2019s it.\u00a0 Let me put a bandage on this first, then I want you to lay down and close your eyes.\u00a0 You should drop off into a very pleasant slumber in a few seconds.\u201d<\/p>\n

I sat on the edge of the bed and swung my legs up and under the tight sheet and heavy white blanket.\u00a0 Pulling them up under my chin I watched as the medic give me one last look as he walked out and softly closed the door.\u00a0 I felt strangely warm and very serene.\u00a0 I closed my eyes and tried to picture Sharon\u2019s face.<\/p>\n

I slept a deep dark sleep and lost track of all time.\u00a0 I remember waking and finding a tray of food on a table next to the bed.\u00a0 After eating a bit of the cold food I got up to use the bathroom and found that I felt so weak I had to sit to urinate.<\/p>\n

As I re-entered the pastel room I saw the medic standing next to the bed with a small paper cup and a glass of water.<\/p>\n

\u201cHere,\u201d He said quietly.\u00a0 \u201cTake these and be sure to drink the entire glass of water.\u00a0 You feeling OK?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, just a little weak.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s fine.\u00a0 I see you ate a little.\u00a0 The next time you wake up you\u2019ll find that your appetite will be a lot better.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOK.\u201d\u00a0 I took the two large white capsules and laid back down.\u00a0 He threw the paper cup into a chrome trash bucket and cleared the tray off the table.<\/p>\n

\u201cGet a little more rest if you can.\u00a0 The more you sleep the better you\u2019ll feel.\u00a0 I\u2019ll be in to check on you a little later on.\u201d\u00a0 He turned and walked out of the room, leaving the door open an inch or two.<\/p>\n

I lay my head on the pillow and tried to remember why I was here.\u00a0 I rolled over onto my side and slid back into the dark cottony world.\u00a0 Not once did I dream\u2026anthing.<\/p>\n

Reemergence <\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n

I was in \u201cisolation\u201d for three days and I spent most of that time sleeping.\u00a0 On the third day I woke up ravenous and full of energy.\u00a0 After a wonderful hot shower, I found a tray on my table with three giant pancakes, loads of butter, and a large glass of powdered milk.\u00a0 I usually shunned the milk (we never had fresh milk and the powdered milk tasted chalky) but on this day I drank it all down.<\/p>\n

As I was finishing, the medic knocked gently on the door.\u00a0 \u201cYes, come in.\u201d\u00a0 I said.<\/p>\n

\u201cMajor Rusk\u2019s here and he wants to talk to you.\u00a0 You OK with that?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSure.\u201d\u00a0 I answered.<\/p>\n

The door opened wider and the major stepped partially in to the room.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey, how\u2019re you feeling?\u201d\u00a0 He asked softly.<\/p>\n

\u201cI feel fine sir, thank you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cRight.\u00a0 I\u2019ll let you finish your meal, then I want you to get into uniform\u2026there\u2019s a clean one hanging on the outside of the door\u2026and then, report to my office.\u00a0 OK?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes sir.\u201d<\/p>\n

I finished off the last of the pancakes and quickly undressed to get a quick shower.<\/p>\n

Although I felt a little light-headed and a little weak, I felt better than I\u2019d felt for a very long time.<\/p>\n

I changed into the fresh uniform that had been brought from my room and stepped out into the main medical room.\u00a0 Although this was the first time I\u2019d been in that room it wouldn\u2019t be long before I would be paying it another visit.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

The major\u2019s office door was open so when I walked into the orderly room he must\u2019ve seen me.<\/p>\n

\u201cAirman DeLe\u00f3n, step right on in!\u201d\u00a0 I heard as I was getting ready to talk to the elderly orderly.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes sir!\u201d I answered, and went through the little swinging gate separating the orderly room from the entrance foyer.<\/p>\n

He asked me to close the door as he moved from behind his desk and onto the couch against the wall.<\/p>\n

\u201cHave a seat and tell me how you feel.\u201d<\/p>\n

As I took a step toward the couch I realized that I hadn\u2019t saluted, as required.\u00a0 I stopped short, popped to attention, and snapped a sharp salute.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, Christ, DeLe\u00f3n\u2014stop that and come and sit!\u201d\u00a0 He slapped the couch\u2019s cushions loudly.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes sir.\u201d I said, lowering my right hand.\u00a0 I took a seat one cushion over.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo?\u201d He said, eyes gleaming.\u00a0 \u201cI must say, you look much better than the last time you were in here.\u00a0 At least you got some color in your face.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes sir.\u00a0 I feel pretty good, thanks.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOK, so the report from the medic says you hardly moved, and he also says you didn\u2019t complain about any dreams.\u00a0 Is that right?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, that\u2019s right.\u00a0 I don\u2019t think I dreamed about anything.\u00a0 But of course, I was under sedation, so that might have something to do with it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, I think what you really needed was to rest up, which you did, and start thinking about not blaming yourself for the situation you\u2019re in.\u00a0 And to get a little better, you need stop the booze.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes sir, that\u2019s for sure.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAlso, you need to find something to do on your off time.\u00a0 So since going to the club and drinking is definitely off-limits go find a hobby or something.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes sir, I\u2019ll try.\u201d<\/p>\n

So we had about a thirty-minute chat, during which he asked me a lot of questions about my upbringing\u2014and how I ended up in the Air Force.\u00a0 He shared a few bits about his past, but mostly he wanted me to talk about myself.<\/p>\n

Finally, he stood up and shook my hand.\u00a0 He assured me that my present circumstances were not my fault and that he was there to help me if I ever found myself \u201ccircling the bowl\u201d again.<\/p>\n

\u201cMore than anything,\u201d he said as we walked towards the office door, \u201cI don\u2019t want you to feel like there\u2019s no one to talk to.\u00a0 Get close to someone here and share your troubles.\u00a0 You can\u2019t just carry that shit inside of you and expect to make it for a whole year. \u00a0Lastly, come see me and we can talk things out.\u00a0 OK?\u201d<\/p>\n

I promised him I would try to do those things and I reassured him that I was indeed feeling much better.<\/p>\n

As I opened the door I heard him say, \u201cOh, I almost forgot!\u201d<\/p>\n

I turned and watched him hurry over to his desk.\u00a0 He reached under a pen holder and pulled a couple of envelopes out.<\/p>\n

\u201cHere!\u00a0 These came while you at the medic\u2019s.\u00a0 I took the liberty of retrieving them from the mail bag so I could give them to you myself.\u201d\u00a0 He looked at the two envelopes and smiled.\u00a0 \u201cWell, looks like one\u2019s from mom and the other one\u2019s from your sweetie.\u201d<\/p>\n

My heart jumped, but not because I was happy to see that I\u2019d finally received mail.\u00a0 I was apprehensive to read what they each had to say about the other, as the last letters that I\u2019d received from them, although not specific, had alluded to some dissatisfaction with one another.<\/p>\n

As I read Sharon\u2019s letter I learned that my intuition had been correct.<\/p>\n

The Enterprise Group<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n

When we weren\u2019t working, eating or sleeping, we were expected to perform several duties that, while mundane, were necessary to maintain the cleanliness and integrity of our living areas.<\/p>\n

The latrines needed daily attention\u2014cleaning and sanitizing sinks, commodes and urinals\u2014and scrubbing down the walls and floors of the shower rooms.\u00a0 Hallways needed to be swept and mopped, and the trash cans that were placed at each end checked and emptied if necessary.\u00a0 The rec room needed special attention: pool table tops brushed down, card tables wiped down, floors also swept and mopped, and trash cans and ash trays emptied and cleaned.\u00a0 All these duties needed to be completed regularly by all the airmen on the station in addition to attending to the cleanliness and upkeep of our own rooms.<\/p>\n

These responsibilities, commonly known as \u201cdetails\u201d were distributed to everyone on an equal basis.\u00a0 For example, I might find my name on the \u201clatrine shower detail\u201d every Tuesday and Wednesday of each week for the next three months, and the hall trash can detail every other Sunday for the next two months.<\/p>\n

The detail lists were made up by the shift sergeants, then reviewed and signed by the base commander.\u00a0 All the areas were inspected on a daily basis to ensure that everyone was performing their assigned details efficiently and promptly.\u00a0 Failure to comply usually resulted in a not so pleasant trip to the commander\u2019s office, and having an additional detail added to what was already assigned.<\/p>\n

Many years before I arrived at Tatalina some motivated and imaginative uber-capitalists thought of a unique way to make money on these details, and created the \u201cDetail Enterprise Group\u201d.<\/p>\n

When the Detail List was published and posted, this group would make a copy of it and pay a visit to each individual that was assigned a particular duty.<\/p>\n

\u201cIf you don\u2019t want to clean those nasty commodes and urinals for the next few weeks,\u201d the budding entrepreneur would offer, \u201cI\u2019ll be happy to do it for you for twenty-five cents a day.\u00a0 Since you\u2019re assigned that detail twice a week for the next three months you can just pay me two dollars a month, payable on payday, or six dollars today, and, either way, it\u2019ll be done for you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Of course, due to its constant use the latrine needed to be cleaned at least three times a day.\u00a0 To accomplish that task four or five airmen were routinely detailed seven days a week\u2014so, there was some real money to be made.<\/p>\n

The \u201cEnterprise Group\u201d, as it came to be known, was made up of airmen who had bought in to the group when one of their member\u2019s year-long tour of duty was done.\u00a0 The average price for a \u201cbuy-in\u201d was twenty dollars, depending on the detail, but that buy-in fee was usually made up in the first couple of months.<\/p>\n

If one was interested in buying in but didn\u2019t have the up-front capital, the buy-in could be purchased on credit\u2014with the first payments going towards the buy-in fee until it was paid off.\u00a0 The buy-in was always split equally among the members of the Group.\u00a0 Obviously, this required a lot of bookkeeping, usually done by one of the lieutenants.<\/p>\n

But probably the best benefit derived from being accepted in this group was that once you were in you were completely exempted from the details assignment list.\u00a0 The sergeants presumed that since you were doing details for other people (even though you were getting paid by them) you shouldn\u2019t have to do your own.\u00a0 This actually worked in the group\u2019s favor\u2014as their absence from the list created more work for the group\u2019s customers and generated more income for themselves.<\/p>\n

After my stint in \u201cisolation\u201d I decided that I needed to make a change in my life on the station, and wanting to earn some extra money I considered buying in to the Enterprise Group.\u00a0 One evening, during chow, I saw some members of the Enterprise Group sitting together.\u00a0 I approached them and asked if I could speak to them.<\/p>\n

\u201cSure,\u201d said one of the senior members\u2014a freckled-face, red-haired, radar maintenance tech, named Donny from Iowa.\u00a0 \u201cHave a seat.\u201d<\/p>\n

I pulled up a chair from another table and sat down.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat can we do you for?\u201d\u00a0 He asked, cheerfully.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell,\u201d I started off, a bit hesitantly.\u00a0 \u201cI wanted to ask if I could buy in to your group.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHmm, so you want to work some details for cash?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, if I could.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, we don\u2019t think we have an opening yet, but just for chuckles, what detail would you interested in?\u201d<\/p>\n

I really hadn\u2019t thought about what detail I would prefer, but I sure has hell know what I didn\u2019t want to do.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll do anything except latrine duty.\u201d<\/p>\n

Donny\u2019s face broke into a big grin and he glanced at the others sitting around him.<\/p>\n

\u201cBig surprise, eh boys?\u201d\u00a0 They all snickered and shook their heads in the affirmative.\u00a0 \u201cBut being that that detail pays the best\u2014you may want to reconsider.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNaw,\u201d I said quickly.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m pretty sure I\u2019d rather do something else.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOK,\u201d Donny said, \u201cGive me your preference, and I\u2019ll put your name down.\u201d<\/p>\n

I gave him my name and thought about it for a few seconds.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow about the Rec Room?\u00a0 Is that open?\u00a0 Or is that going to be open any time soon?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, that one there doesn\u2019t pay as well as the latrine one, but I will have an opening in a couple of weeks.\u00a0 Looks like you may be in luck.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat would be great.\u00a0 How much does it pay?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell it has to be cleaned every day, no later than seventeen-hundred, and it\u2019ll bring in ten cents a day per detail.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cEvery day, like seven days a week?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, what would that add up to?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI think, from past experience, anywhere from twenty to thirty bucks a month.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWow, that would be great!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah.\u00a0 But the kicker is that you have to check it three times a day to make sure it\u2019s OK.\u00a0 If someone puked in a trash can, or threw shit all over the floor, you have to make sure it\u2019s cleaned up.\u00a0 Then the place needs a sweeping and mopping every day regardless.\u00a0 Think you could handle that?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cFor thirty bucks a month?\u00a0 You bet!\u201d\u00a0 I said enthusiastically.<\/p>\n

\u201cOK, but understand that if you take it you\u2019re replacing three guys on this detail, so you have to make sure to keep the place tidy all the time.\u00a0 It\u2019s a lot of work.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo problem!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cRight.\u00a0 Now about the buy-in.\u00a0 I\u2019m guessing you want to get that on credit, right?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, I don\u2019t have any money.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAll right, we can do that.\u00a0 And, oh yes, you are aware of the tax you have to pay us, right?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTax?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah.\u00a0 You don\u2019t think we run this show for our health, do you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell\u2026I\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTen percent of your take, payable each month on payday.\u00a0 Right after you get your pay from the detail.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell\u2026I guess that\u2019ll be OK.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou bet your ass.\u201d\u00a0 Donny said, as he penciled my name into a spiral notebook.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll let you know when you can start.\u00a0 Anything else?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, I think that\u2019s it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOK,\u201d he said, \u201cThat\u2019s that then.\u00a0 Oh, and if you think you might want to buy into the laundry business let me know.\u00a0 We\u2019re losing one of the guys that does the laundry in your wing.\u00a0 If you really need money, you can cash in on that one too.\u00a0 We\u2019ll be willing to waive the buy-in fee since you\u2019re already in for the Rec Room.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh,\u201d I said, a bit hesitantly.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t know how much work that would add.\u00a0 I still gotta pull my duty in the control room and all.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell honestly, if you know how to iron clothes, which most of us don\u2019t, it\u2019ll be a breeze.\u00a0 Let me know.\u201d<\/p>\n

I shook their hands and walked back to my table.\u00a0 I was excited with the anticipation of making some extra money.\u00a0 Before I\u2019d left Winnemucca I had allotted the majority of my pay to go to support Sharon at home.\u00a0 At the time I thought I wouldn\u2019t need much so I guess I overdid it a bit.\u00a0 I was now living on about ten dollars a month.<\/p>\n

As I ate my meal I began giving serious consideration to the laundry gig.\u00a0 Since I\u2019d been at Tatalina I had been mostly doing my own because I sure didn\u2019t have any extra cash to spend on someone else doing my washing and ironing.\u00a0 And since I did my own, I was always running into the guys who had that enterprise because it was always hard to find an empty washer or dryer in the station\u2019s laundry room when they in there doing their customers\u2019 laundry.<\/p>\n

So the more I thought about it the more I became convinced that taking over the laundry enterprise would end up earning me more money, and if nothing else the extra time that I would have to devote to doing that job would sure help keep me out of the officers\u2019 club.<\/p>\n

It seemed like a win-win all the way around.<\/p>\n

Springtime in Hell, and Trouble in Houston<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n

It was now early June and the days had quickly gone from twenty hours of darkness to about fourteen hours of bright daylight.\u00a0 The remaining ten hours of each day would soften down to a grayish-hued duskiness\u2014never quite achieving that deep shroud of darkness the bright pulsating stars needed in order to twinkle silently in the frozen sky.<\/p>\n

The northern lights, so beautifully dazzling in their wavy green, yellow, and orange bands, and so often smearing the pure blackness of the long Alaskan winter nights, were now nothing more than memories\u2014occasionally and very faintly rising up through the reddish pink horizon of melting tundra, only to give way to a soft pink sunrise.<\/p>\n

And, as if an alarm had gone off that only they heard, clouds of mercilessly stinging mosquitos suddenly rose up from the spongy permafrost early that month to feed ravenously upon any and all creatures that dared venture out into the quickly thawing landscape.<\/p>\n

The station\u2019s garbage dump, thirty yards from the nearest building was now emerging from the melting snow, its rotting waste sending foul and noxious gases spinning into the cool brisk breeze.\u00a0 Attracted by the stench, lumbering families of black and brown bears, who, while randomly swatting the stinging insects from their eyes and noses, fought violent battles amongst themselves\u2014the winner hoping to lay claim to the tastiest pile of waste.\u00a0 Foxes, wolves, and the occasional wolverine would gingerly move between the hulking and irritable bears to snatch stinking morsels of decaying food out from under their noses.<\/p>\n

But the most amazing thing that I learned that spring in 1963 was that Tatalina was home to four \u201cjunkyard dogs\u201d.\u00a0 They were pretty much mongrels\u2014maybe part Huskies, and God knows what else\u2014but they were very protective and extremely vicious when it came to guarding their territory\u2014particularly the garbage dump.\u00a0 Fairly large and heavily furred, they were described by one of my co-workers from California as \u201cgnarly dudes\u201d.\u00a0 They all appeared to be males and the gossip on the base was that they mated with the wolves and coyotes that lived in the surrounding forest.\u00a0 Truly, no one knew where they\u2019d come from.<\/p>\n

They were well fed, given scraps mostly by the cooks and our one baker, and of course they lived outside except during the heaviest of winter days when they knew enough to seek shelter in the heated garage where the snow tracks were housed.<\/p>\n

During the early spring season, they would spend their days lazing around the station and patrolling the dump\u2014terrorizing all but the biggest and bravest of the visiting predators.\u00a0 The smaller of the pesky garbage dump visitors would scamper off, tails tucked low just ahead of the snapping jaws, as soon as the quartet of barking and howling dogs would mount a frontal attack.\u00a0 We all knew it was mostly for show because the scurrying varmints could easily outrun even the swiftest of the four dogs.<\/p>\n

But the bears presented a very different problem.\u00a0 No matter how loud and vicious the dogs\u2019 attack would be, the bears, still sluggish from their months of hibernation, would patiently paw the stinking mounds of trash, searching for their hidden putrid treasure and ignoring the dogs\u2019 persistent barking and faux attacks.<\/p>\n

One day while hanging out by the back kitchen dock fighting off clouds of mosquitos and watching the daily dog and bear show, we saw that one of the largest of a group of six brown bears finally had all he was gonna take.\u00a0 In a split second, with speed belying his massive size, the bear spun completely around, spittle flying from its open and heavily fanged jaws, and slapped two of the closest dogs with one swipe of his massive paw.\u00a0 The two struck dogs tumbled through the air a full twenty feet, yelping all the way, before hitting the ground in an explosion of fur and dirt.\u00a0 The other two dogs, deciding that perhaps they had ventured a bit too close for comfort, backed up rapidly in reverse, never ceasing their tireless, bear-baiting barks and snarls.<\/p>\n

Leaping to their feet, the dogs that had been on the receiving end of the bear\u2019s right cross, hurriedly shook themselves off, and sprinted back to rejoin the fray\u2014apparently none the worse for wear.<\/p>\n

Expressing my surprise to the group, I was informed that they\u2019d been told by some long-gone Tatalina inhabitants that these dogs, and probably their parents too, had been batted around pretty regularly by the visiting bears.\u00a0 But, regardless, they always shook off the punch and returned to the attack until the bears, either full or tired of the constant harassment, lumbered off into the deep woods.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

The letters were coming a bit more regularly now\u2014from both my mom and Sharon.\u00a0 But instead of being elated that I was hearing from home more often, I soon began to dread my daily walk down to the mail room.<\/p>\n

At about the four-month mark, and in Sharon\u2019s seventh month of pregnancy, she began complaining in her letters about my mother\u2019s subtle attempts at dominating every aspect of her life.\u00a0 Apparently it had begun simply enough, with mom offering unsolicited advice on how and when to change Ricky\u2019s diaper and even how to properly cook hamburger meat.\u00a0 Eventually it progressed to not-so-subtle suggestions that Sharon had probably been directly responsible for my breaking up with Amparo.<\/p>\n

On the other side, my mother\u2019s letters were rife with comments about how surprised she was to find out that Sharon was so tremendously na\u00efve (and really ignorant and lazy) about being a mother, a cook, and a housekeeper.\u00a0 She opined that I should consider myself lucky not to be there to witness my wife\u2019s pathetic attempts at learning how to be a housewife.<\/p>\n

Apparently it had gotten so bad that one sideward glance, a word misspoken, or a careless deed would send each of them into loud shouting matches, after which they would retreat to their respective rooms to engage in heated letter writing campaigns; each accusing the other of being insensitive, obtuse, and just plain wrong.\u00a0 Further, both of them would demand that I should immediately address each particular grievance with the other in my next letter.<\/p>\n

Although I was no longer having my daily nightmare, I was now living a real one with every letter I received.\u00a0 The end result was that I began to write home less and less, hoping I would also hear from them less and less.\u00a0 Sometimes I would just let two or three letters pile up on my little writing table before I dared open and read one.<\/p>\n

I tried as much as I possibly could but soon found myself visiting the club a little more often than I should.\u00a0 But instead of slugging down the shots as fast as I could, I began nursing them for longer periods of time, passing some of the time chatting with bar mates and grousing about the food, work shifts, and the weather.\u00a0 The bartenders, vigilant at first, began to pay less attention to me and soon didn\u2019t seem to care if I sat on one shot for an hour or more.<\/p>\n

But mostly I listened to the music, ever country, coming from the constantly blaring jukebox\u2014and I thought\u2026a lot.<\/p>\n

I thought about my recent brush with self-destruction and I thought about the dream that had almost pushed me over the edge.\u00a0 Aside from my recently departed roommate and Major Rusk, I hadn\u2019t discussed the dream with anyone else on the station; but even not having done so I sensed that my coworkers and bar mates somehow knew that I\u2019d been struggling with some unknown issues.<\/p>\n

It was probably most noticeable in the lack of peer pestering that I had experienced since arriving at Tatalina. \u00a0There had been several other airmen that had been assigned to the station within two weeks of my arrival, and from the first day they had been subjected to humorous but still vicious harassment, particularly from those who were within a month or so of leaving.\u00a0 But whatever the reason, I was thankful that I\u2019d been spared the extra hassle during my time of extreme strife.<\/p>\n

Most of my thinking time at the club was spent on sorting out the problems between my wife and mother back in Houston.\u00a0 But besides writing letters urging each of them to try to work out their differences, I knew that for the most part it was a lost cause.\u00a0 So, late one evening about two weeks after my near nervous breakdown, and after staring at a shot glass full of Jack Daniels for what seemed hours, I finally came to an understanding with myself.\u00a0 I would stop trying to figure out solutions to problems that I could not possibly solve, and instead concentrate on my own well-being and mental stability for the remaining nine months I had left in Alaska.<\/p>\n

After chugging down the drink and chasing it with half a glass of now warm water, I bid goodnight to the bartenders and headed back to my room. \u00a0On the way I decided that first thing tomorrow I would contact Donny from the Enterprise Group, and query him about the upcoming vacancy on the Rec Room detail.\u00a0 Further, I would also place my bid on the Laundry detail.<\/p>\n

If I couldn\u2019t control circumstances that were out of my control, then I would spend the next nine months working extra duty and earning as much extra money as I possibly could.<\/p>\n

Making those two decisions that evening had an immediate and profound effect on my mood\u2014forever and permanently changing my general outlook on life.\u00a0 And for the first time in many months I slept soundly throughout the night without the help of any medication. The next morning, I awoke refreshed, excited, and anxious to begin this new chapter in my life.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

To be continued\u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"