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Down The Rabbit Hole

 

Robert Gets Me Interested

As it turned out, the little Pentecostal church that Robert and his grandparents took me to on that sunny Sunday morning was not at all what I had imagined it would be.  The night before I had chased away waves of drowsiness for at least two hours by continually conjuring up images of what I thought Pentecostal churches should look like.  Tossing and turning in my aluminum tubed rollaway bed, beads of sticky sweat rolling off my face and neck and pooling in the deep hollows my collarbones formed below my shoulders, all I seemed to be able to come up with was memories of the Catholic Church my mom and I had previously attended.

I assumed it had to be different from that in a lot of ways; for one, they didn’t have a priest, or nuns, or altar boys.  At least I didn’t think so.  When I had asked Robert to tell me about it, all he could talk about was how many girls went there and how some of them were actually pretty.  So, even though my hormones had started coming to life that year, at this point I was still pretty immune to the sexual pull of the opposite sex.  For sure I had already started to look at girls from a slightly different perspective, but I had not yet reached the “drooling when a pretty one walked by” stage.  Robert had.

He mentioned that they had a band (a band?), and most of the girls that attended the church played tambourines in accompaniment to the hymns that everyone sang.

“What kind of band?”  I asked, truly curious.

“You know, the regular kind.”  Robert said mysteriously.

“Guitars?”

“Sí.”

“Drums?”

“Sure, and trumpets, too.”  He added.

“Trumpets?  Regular bands don’t have trumpets, Robert!”  I said slightly annoyed.

“This one does…two.  And, you know what one of the trumpet vato’s name is?”  He teased.

“No, dime.”  (Tell me).

“DeLeón!”  He said, mimicking blowing a trumpet by wiggling his fingers in front of his face.

“¿De veras?” (Really?) I asked, plainly surprised.

“Sí vato”, he quipped.  “Pero he’s not your relation, ese.”

“¡Que relaje!” (How cool).  I sighed.

“¡No, ese!  El relaje son las niñas guapas que tocan las panderetas.”  (The cute chicks that play the tambourines are what are cool).  He whispered dreamily.

He really did seem to have a one-track mind nowadays.

 

Showdown At Rancho DeLeón

The sun was pouring its bright steamy Sunday morning rays of light on my face through the heavily patched screen window, causing my eyelids to squeeze a bit tighter and slowly dredging me up from the deep slumber I had finally fallen into earlier that night.  Turning my head away from the piercing glare my face sought that nice cool place on the surface of my thin pillow case and my mind raced to try to carry me back to that sweet dark place where I’d been for the last few hours.

“¡Oye, Pancho!”  The was voice coming from so far away.  “¡Pancho, levántate!” (Get up!)  My mother’s voice was insistent, but still soft enough for me to ignore.  “They’ll be here soon to pick you up to go to the church today.”

“Hmmmm….un poquito más, mamá.”  (Just a bit more.)  I heard myself say.

“FRANK!”

Oh, oh!  That was my Dad’s voice!  Twisting quickly off the sagging bed and planting my bare feet on the linoleum floor, I said, “Sí, daddy!  Ya me voy a levantar.”  (I’m getting up already!) And what the hell is he doing home?  On Sundays he was either not home from his Saturday night binge, or he was sleeping one off.  He hadn’t been home the night before when I went to bed so I’d assumed he was out partying.

With that, all thoughts of more sleep were entirely out of the question.  Usually, I could string my mother along and enjoy about another ten or fifteen minutes of that lovely morning snooze time until she finally got irritated and yelled.  But my father, well, he was not in the habit of repeating himself, and he did not yell—at least not at me.

“Come on mijo,” my mom was saying as she handed me a clean towel, “go get your bath and hurry dressing because Robert’s grandparents should be here soon.  You need to eat something too before you go.  ¡Ándale pronto!”  She chided.

Entering the small bathroom I saw that she’d laid out a pair of long dark trousers, a freshly pressed white dress shirt, and one of my father’s red silk ties.  On the floor my old brown oxfords had somehow recaptured a respectable semi-glossy sheen to the thin leather, and most of the scuffs and scratches had been transformed from grayish white gashes to deep brown shadows—and were now hardly noticeable.  My best pair of white boxers and thin white socks were folded over the pants and shirt.  No belt though.  Hmmm.  I didn’t think my khaki colored military style canvas-like belt; with its scratched and pitted fake brass finish would look very good with dress clothes.  Well, I thought, I’ll just see if I can borrow one of my dad’s belts and cinch it up good and tight.

The old tin washtub had been half filled with hot water and was sitting under the rusty faucet waiting to be cooled down to my preferred temperature.  Mom must’ve gotten up really early to heat up this much water.  I mused.

Climbing into the old yellowed lion’s claw tub I sat down gingerly, flinching as the cold porcelain met my bony butt.  Scooping the now tepid water over my head I again began to wonder what this church would be like.  Robert hadn’t provided much detail, except to prep me on where the best looking girls would be sitting.  He also said that when the congregation filed into the back area behind the altar and stage to attend the Sunday school class, the men, women, boys and girls would all go into different rooms.  Little kids usually went outside to a small playground to be minded by a couple of very old sisters of the church.  There they would recite Bible verses and sing children’s hymns while sitting in a large circle on the grass.  During bad weather they’d stay inside the building and pretty much run amok until the classes were over and the service resumed.

Having dried off and dressed I stepped out of the bathroom holding my pants up with one hand.

“Dad?”  I yelled.  “Can I borrow a belt?  Mine is too old and doesn’t really look good with these pants.”

Walking out of the bedroom (actually just an area in the two room house) he said, “I don’t think any of my belts will fit your skinny waist, but let me find one of my older ones and I’ll just cut it down and punch a hole for the buckle.”

Holding a steaming cup of coffee, he was wearing a pair of nicely pressed, but paint stained, khaki pants and a white wife beater undershirt, and with no shoes on his white-socked feet.  “¡Oye, vieja!”  (Hey old lady!) He yelled out to my mother. “Where’s that old brown leather belt of mine?”

From the kitchen area, “Look in the chester drawers, Bob!  Third one down!”  My mother, ever murdering the English language, always referred to the “chest of drawers” as “chester drawers”; along with “oh-ven” for “oven”, and “sang-wish” for “sandwich”.  Sadly, until I knew better, so did I. (sigh)

After rooting around the third drawer and throwing everything out onto the floor, he finally found the belt and triumphantly raised it over his head, trophy-like.  Striking a spread-legged pose and wiggling his eyebrows furiously he trumpeted a loud, “TA-DA!!” and strode off proudly in the direction of the kitchen.

“¡Oye, vieja!”  He yelled to my mother.  “¿Dónde está el cuchillo?”  (Where’s the knife?)

“¡JesuCristo, Bob!  She complained from the bathroom where she was cleaning up after my bath.  “¡No sabes nada!”  (You don’t know anything!)  She said with a heavy load of exasperation in her voice.  “Allí está en el drawer.  Estás blind?”

Opening the drawer that my mom had designated as: the knife (1), serving spoon (1), (two pronged serving fork (1), and can openers (2) drawer—he drew the knife out with his right hand and suddenly flew into a classic fencing stance, yelling, “TOUCHÉ!” in the direction of my mother just as she was stepping out of the bathroom.

“Oh you viejo loco,” she said in a growling voice while pointing at him with her left index finger (she was a southpaw), “I’ll bet you wish you could ‘too-che’ me!  Well, you just try it MISTER!  GO AHEAD AND TRY IT!”

“Vieja, do you  know what “touché means?”  My dad said tilting his head while sheathing his make believe foil in his make believe scabbard.

“Of course I know, tonto,” she said smugly.  “You want to touch me with that knife!  Pero, you think I’m gonna let you?  HA!!”  And with that she put her left hand behind her and slowly drew it back out, index finger out and thumb up, with the rest of her fingers tucked in.  “POW, estupido!  I shoot you and your dumb ‘too-che’.”

With a withering look from my dad that said, ‘what the hell am I going to do with her?’ he mumbled, “Vieja loca,” and shaking his head walked back into the main room to do some leather belt trimming.

Seeing his retreat my mom uncocked her “gun” and transformed it into a pointer.  Motioning towards the table she said, “Sit down Pancho and eat your cereal.  You have to leave soon.”

***

This recollection of my parents actually having some fun with each other is probably my most vivid memory of all, mainly because of its extreme rarity.  Although they both had a keen sense of humor, it seemed that they very seldom used it with one another around the house.  Whenever they were apart from each other and in the company of others—my mother, usually with her sisters, and my dad always with his friends—they exhibited a completely different personality than what they did when with each other.  For example, many times I can recall my mother and my Aunt Janie joking and eventually driving each other into a crazy laughing frenzy.  Hugging, trying to hold each other up with tears rolling out of their eyes, they would laugh until they could hardly breathe.  Finally drained of all strength they would collapse to the floor, trying to compose themselves back to a general state of seriousness.

My dad, on the other hand would very rarely joke around when I, or my mother, was present.  Apparently he saved the comedy routines for those times when he was with friends and far away from us.  I knew this because many times church people particularly would comment on how funny “Mr. Bob” (later it would be Reverend Bob) was.  After many church services, as I would be putting my guitar back into its case, brothers and sisters of the church would tell me how lucky I was to have such a funny and clever father.  All I could do was smile and agree quietly.

More often than not, in the car on the way home from church services I would sit silently in the back seat while my mother and father argued and insulted each other in the front seat.  By the time the car was pulling into the driveway their disagreement over whatever would have escalated into full-fledged verbal warfare; usually dealing with money.

So, the lighthearted episode that occurred between my mother and my father on the morning before I left to go the Pentecostal Church for the first time was one that will forever remain forged in my memory.

The Water’s Fine, Just Ignore The Sharks

It was small and somewhat shabby. Peeling, a yellowing white ashy paint covered the exterior of the wooden building, while the lot it was sitting on was barren; rocky and dusty with scattered patches of grass resembling unruly cowlicks on a  freckled farm boy’s face.  A sign, hand painted in childlike letters—upper and lower case mixed—said simply, “Jerusalén, Iglesia Pentecostal”, (Jerusalem, Pentecostal Church).

Tinny sounds, barely recognizable as music, painfully clanged out from a slightly out of tune brown upright piano and spilled out through the church’s open wooden doors.  It was around nine in the morning but already the steamy Texas dampness was causing the collar on my slightly over-sized shirt to chafe my neck.  After parking the little Ford coupe next to a beat up Chevy pickup missing a rear bumper, we walked to the front of the church and climbed the knotty and slightly bowed wooden steps.

My first sensation as I entered the old church was that of smell. It was a dead and dusty atmosphere in there, air hanging shroud-like, and still.  Millions of tiny specks of dust were slowly dancing, illuminated by the scattered rays of dim sunlight flowing through the rectangular glass windows.  The ancient wooden floor, covered by an almost threadbare red carpet, adorned in an ornate gold weave Persian-like design, creaked painfully as I walked slowly down the center aisle following Robert and his grandparents. The dull aroma of old paper and cardboard, yellowed and brittle, was in hard competition with the musty odors of varnish—long dried out.

Picking out a pew on the right side of the church, our little group filed in and sat down. Robert’s grandparents sat nearest the aisle followed by Robert’s sister, Robert and then me. Glancing around I noticed that there were no statues. Instead, banners in once rich but now faded colors adorned sections of the walls between the tall rectangular windows.  Gold and silver fringes bordered the sides and bottoms of the banners, and words spelled out by letters that were oddly misshapen, as if cut out by a class of third graders using round nosed stubby scissors and stiff poster paper, were displayed on each.

Everything was in Spanish, and even though I spoke the language I could barely read and was completely unable to write it.  “Soldados De Jesucristo”, “Goza En Tu Salvación”, “El Hijo De Dios”, were just some of the phrases that adorned those banners.

At the front of the small church there was a stage with a pulpit in the center, covered in a tapestry that resembled a heavy white sheet with green embroidered edging—a caricature of Christ wearing a thorny crown, blood dripping down his forehead, embellished on the front facing the congregation.

Eight tall backed dark wooden chairs were arranged, four on each side and slightly behind the pulpit.  Directly behind, and almost against the back wall was a large box-like structure covered by a heavy deep red velvet throw.  I would later find out that the structure was a large tub, about three feet deep, where water baptisms were performed.

On the left side of the stage was the tortured brown upright piano, presently being played by a young girl—probably no more than twelve or thirteen years old.  Sitting on a small bench, head cocked one way then another; she was viciously working the yellowed keys with a fevered intensity.  By the look on her face, and certainly from the tortured sounds escaping the exhausted instrument, she hadn’t studied her music homework very well.

Afraid to look behind me I remained stock still, staring straight ahead straining my lateral eye muscles pulling my vision from far left to far right. Finally Robert asked me if there was something wrong with my neck.  I knowingly, but quietly, advised him that any slight glance backward would surely elicit disapproving comments from the old folks sitting behind us. I whispered that in Catholic Church I’d learned that one had to sit quietly and stare straight ahead. He smiled, and told me not to worry. “Look all you want,” he explained.  These people are cool.”  Cool?

The people—well if I hadn’t known better I would’ve believed that it was the same audience mysteriously transplanted from that little Catholic Church that I had previously attended with my mom.  Again, with grand similarity to the Catholics, most of these folks seemed to me to be moderately to desperately poor; and compared to what most of them were wearing I was dressed like a king.  There were a few more young to middle-aged couples, most with with kids, than had been in attendance at Our Lady of Sorrows, but that really wasn’t what I felt set this group apart.  It was their general demeanor.

While most sat silently, toes tapping to the piano’s ragged rhythm; a few of them even nodding their heads to the beat, they all seemed to have a perpetual smile on their face.  That was the difference!  These people seemed genuinely happy to be where they were.  Not a sad or serious look anywhere.  Weird.

The women all wore dresses, modest in their length, but most had probably never seen the inside of a department store for quite a while.  Mixed in with the older ones, the groups of younger families almost seemed out of place; youthful, fair complexions, fairly good quality clothing and shoes, and an almost aloof demeanor.  Our little group fit right about in the middle.

At last the piano mercifully stopped playing and the girl got up, head bowed, and walked off the stage, taking her place with a group of homely teen and pre-teen girls in the first pew.  From a door located to the left back of the stage several men emerged, all wearing white shirts topped off with red bolo ties and dark slacks.  They filed out and climbed the two or three steps up to the stage.  The first two were carrying trumpets, one gold and the other silver; the other two men empty handed.  The trumpeters took their positions sitting on chairs located near the wall at the back and left of the stage, all the while fingering the valves on their shiny instruments.  One of the other two men stopped, bent over and picked up a guitar that had been leaning on a small amplifier, and sat heavily down.  The last man noisily pulled up a metal stool and dragged it behind a lumpy sheet on the stage.  Once situated, he reached out and removed the sheet exposing a large set of drums.  For a few seconds all four men just sat there looking listlessly out onto the nearly full church.

A door on the right side of the stage opened slowly and from it walked a beautiful tall ivory skinned red haired girl, dressed in a fabulous blazingly white high collared dress.  Her pale freckled face framed an almost Mona Lisa-like smile on her lips as she walked, (no, floated) up the stairs to the stage and glided across and behind the pulpit towards the now empty piano.  Gracefully pulling the bench out with her left hand she carefully wiped the seat with a small white cloth she’d been carrying in her other hand.  Flexing her fingers she sat down on the bench as daintily as I had ever seen anyone do in my entire life.  I stole a quick look at Robert as he turned his head towards me.  Grinning broadly he sent me a, ‘I told you so’, wink before his grandmother tapped his arm and whispered something in his ear.

After staring straight ahead for a few seconds, the piano girl began to stretch, then arched her back so severely that I thought she might actually tumble backwards.  Regaining her balance she turned her head to the right and quietly addressed the four other musicians.  Her left hand left her lap and glided up to the keyboard deftly striking a key.  Whereas before, the tones belching out from that very same piano had sounded harsh and tinny, now that one key, softly caressed by that pale and delicate hand, rang sweetly—the sound wafting melodiously through the church’s dead air.

In unison the trumpet boys raised their instruments and strained to match the piano’s long note in long slow draws; the guitarist crossed his legs, lowered his head close to his Spanish guitar and strummed—first one string, then all, in a full chord—in the same key.  The drummer did a couple of light drum rolls and thudded his bass drum.  Apparently satisfied, he twirled the sticks, laid them on his lap and smiled at the guitarist.  Then quiet.

The red headed beauty folded her hands on her lap, the trumpeters blew spit out of their horns and the guitarist sat back gently stroking his instrument’s long neck.  The drummer yawned.

Not a sound came from the congregation save for the rustle of folded paper fans, bearing that same suffering Jesus face, exciting the still air and bringing temporary relief to their hot sweaty faces.

Bending her head slightly toward the keyboard the piano girl brought both hands up to the keys and with a hard nod all the musicians began to play.

The music, led by the pianist, was tantalizingly familiar, yet new to my ears.  After a few bars I realized that the hymn they were playing had been sort of musically reconstructed to sound like a northern Mexico polka (norteñas).  It was catchy, had a hell of a rhythm, and made you want to tap your toes, and more.  The red head began singing to the accompaniment in a sweet yet husky voice, and the drummer along with the guitarist provided background vocal harmony.  The trumpets were literally blazing away.  The congregation, although not singing, one by one began to stand up; and like a wave—the younger ones first followed by the slower and creakier elders—rose and began clapping their hands in time with the infectious rhythm; suddenly and joltingly joined by dozens of tambourines that had appeared out of nowhere and began driving the beat.

The sound was deafening yet pleasing to the ear.  The red haired pianist’s honeyed alto voice rose above the din and carried the hymn’s melody and cadence up and over the rattling cacophony created by clapping hands and slapping tambourines.  It was riveting, and before I knew it I found myself swaying, and like everyone else, clapping enthusiastically to the driving beat.

As the hymn drew to an end the church was flooded with the sounds of “amen” and “hallelujah”.  The pianist, having terminated with a Liberace-like flourish, brought her hands back down to her lap and folded them primly, one over the other.  Her back still painfully arched and her head held high with ankles crossed and tucked under the bench she resumed her statue-like pose, staring straight ahead.  The people, still voicing heavenly praises, all slowly began to sit back down and for a few moments, save for the resumption of the waving paper fans, nothing happened.

Then, as if on cue, the two doors either side of the stage opened slowly and four dark skinned men, of varying height, filed out of each door.  All dressed in dark suits and ties, they climbed the steps of the stage and took their positions standing quietly in front of the chairs.  Each one carried a bible, and once situated in front of his respective chair clasped the book tightly,  both hands crossed demurely in front of his body.  Staring somberly, each man focused on the two still open large front doors of the church.

A deep loud and booming baritone voice echoed from behind and to my left, startling me and forcing me to turn my head.

“¡Que Dios los bendiga!”  Boomed the voice.  (May God bless you!)  And the piano sounded an introductory chord.  Everyone stood and every head  rotated towards the doors.  Just then the piano playing began a solemn set of minor chords and the red haired girl’s head turned left.  The chords flowed together and began to form a song whose composition was grounded in mostly bass keys.  The  music rose in volume and as the pianist focused her view on the entrance doors.  I turned and looked towards the door.

Standing grandly just inside the vestibule was the man I would come to know as El Reverendo Tomás Villa, resident pastor of the church.  He was magnificent!

A large man, well over six feet tall with wavy black hair cut just right and shining radiantly in the sun, he stood there sucking up every bit of the adoring congregation’s love and admiration.   Dressed in a flawlessly tailored dark blue pin striped double-breasted suit, radiant white shirt and a flashy gold tie, his attire was perfect—right down to the gleaming pair of highly polished black leather shoes.

“¡Y a usted también, hermano Villa!”  The congregation answered back in perfect unison.

After a quick glance to the right, then to the left, he fixed his gaze on the pulpit and with a large smile that underscored his well-trimmed jet black moustache, and began a slow deliberate stroll up the center aisle in perfect cadence with the music’s beat.

In his right hand he carried a large white leather bound bible embossed with a golden cross, and to his left for the first time I noticed a woman; her right hand perched on his left forearm she was walking solemnly alongside.  She was wearing a beautiful black dress, and although at that young age I had yet to develop an eye for any type of sartorial fashion, I just knew it had to be expensive.

She was beautiful, in a mature but not matronly way.  She was about my mother’s age but her jet-black hair, glistening with a few fine threads of silver was pulled back and tightly rolled into a perfect bun.  A very stylish black hat decorated with a short veil was just barely resting on her forehead.  Passing by our pew they both shot a brief glance in our direction.  A hint of a smile from both as they passed, then onward towards the pulpit.

As they cleared the front two pews they turned to face the congregation.   Smiling broadly they enthusiastically waved at the younger kids sitting in the front while waiting for the hymn to end.

As the song drew to a close Reverend Villa looked to the heavens and in that deep hypnotic voice said, “Hermanos queridos, vamos a orar.”  (Brothers, let us pray).

As one, the entire congregation bowed their heads.  Reverend Villa raised both his arms, lifted his head heavenward and closed his eyes.  In that commanding voice he began to pray—and I was instantly mesmerized.

His prayer was in Spanish, of course, but never in my life had I heard the language spoken so beautifully.  Every syllable perfectly formed and intoned.  When the “R’s” needed to be trilled he did so in such a manner that they rolled off his tongue in chilling vocal rapidity.  He used words I had never heard before but the context was so beautifully framed I had no doubt as to their meaning.  He was masterful.

Almost everyone in the congregation was also praying loudly, imploring the Lord to show them the path, to heal the sick, to please save their souls.  But even through that loud wall of vocal clamor his was the dominant voice.  If God was listening, He would certainly be listening to him.

“En Tu Nombre santificado te pido todo Señor, amen y amen.”  (In Your Holy Name I ask this Lord, amen and amen).   He ended his prayer with those words after slowly bowing his head.  He then fished out a silky white handkerchief from one of his inside pockets and wiped his eyes.

Everyone else put their closing remarks on their prayers and the church began to quiet down.  Here and there was a cough, a blowing nose, and finally a soft shuffling of feet as everyone sat back down.

During the prayer I had been busy looking around at the people—trying to see what they were doing.  Some had their arms raised, others only one, and still others just holding on to the pew in front of them.  But they all had their eyes closed—some dream-like, others squeezed tight—all imploring the Lord to listen to their plight.

Robert had his eyes glued to the red head.  After having finished playing the hymn she had bowed her head and had remained that way until the end of the prayer.  Even after sitting down Robert pinned her with his gaze.  She, of course, never noticed.

Turning my attention back to the front of the church I saw that the reverend had climbed onto the stage and was now sitting on a large chair directly behind the pulpit and in front of the baptismal tub.  Legs crossed, his white bible in his lap he gazed almost disinterestedly at the congregation.  His wife had taken a seat on the first pew to the left of the aisle.  Only later would I notice the small paper sign taped to that spot: “Reservado”.  (Reserved).

One of the men that had been sitting on the stage in one of the eight chairs was now standing behind the pulpit.  Leafing through what looked like notes he cleared his throat and addressed the congregation.

“Gracias a Dios por la vida, y bienvenidos todos a nuestra iglesia.”  (Thanks to God for our life and a welcome to all to our church).

His greeting was met with a disjointed chorus of “amen”, “gracias a Dios”, and a bevy of “hallelujahs”.

For the next ten or fifteen minutes he went on to make general announcements concerning the church’s upcoming activities for the week and to direct where and with who the segregated groups would attend this morning’s Sunday School classes: adult men in this room with brother so and so, adult women in that room with sister so and so, teen boys…teen girls…etc.

Referring to his notes for the last time he cleared his throat again and introduced the next speaker.  Another one of the men got up and took the pulpit.  He proceeded to open the green covered ledger he carried and read attendance totals for last week’s Sunday school service.  Boring stuff.  I glanced at Robert again while stifling a yawn and was amused to see that his eyes were still boring holes in “Red’s” back.  She, on the other hand, had crossed her legs casually and her arms, now resting on the two back corners of the bench, were supporting her as she leaned slightly back.  I couldn’t see her face but I assumed she was bored too.

Soon we had filed into our respective classrooms to receive the bible lesson given that Sunday.  Not being too impressed with the teacher, a twenty-something gawky looking man wearing thick glasses and sweating profusely, I let my mind drift and wondered where the beautiful pianist was now.

An hour later, and after having endured the driest and most mind-numbing bible lesson ever presented to any living human being, we filed out of the little classroom at the back of the church and back to our pews.  Robert resumed his watch on the red haired pianist, who was now back at her piano, and I sank down on the hard pew.

I begun to drift a bit but was abruptly brought back by the sound of the band firing up again.  Everyone stood up and began to sing.  Well, maybe sing is too fine a word.

No one in the congregation seemed to be in tune and no one seemed to care. The people bellowed out variations of what they thought the melody might be, clapping their hands and stomping their feet. They looked up toward the ceiling and smiled…looked at each other and smiled…looked at me and smiled. I smiled back. Spooky.

No one seemed to care about the words too much either, so I joined in and started making music-like sounds. The beat was furious and addictive. The volume was deafening.  Happy! Happy! Happy! Sing! Sing! Sing! Clap! Clap! Clap! The group of men on the pulpit was now leading the congregation in song.  Waving their arms and mouthing the words as they merrily carried on.  Gradually one of the men in the group stepped up to the pulpit to take the lead.

Dressed in a loosely fitting, slightly shiny, blue suit, he began exhorting the crowd with his waving arms and wildly bulging eyes.  He had a large fine looking black moustache that seemed to bounce in rhythm with the pounding Latin beat, but through it all his wavy glossed black hair remained static—except for one lock that clung to his left eyebrow.

Just when you thought the hymn was going to be over the big guy would energetically launch, slightly off-key but with mucho gusto, into another refrain…his voice booming over the crowd and bouncing off the plainly painted wooden walls.  The band, and the gorgeous piano girl, would pick up the beat and courageously carry on one more time.

The congregation, as one swirling flowing mass would pick up the cue and launch forcefully into the suggested verse. The band would hurriedly slam picks into strings, blow hot humid air into shiny brass and bang finely manicured fingers into ivory to catch up with the frenzied worshippers.  Somewhere directly behind me a tambourine was slapping its hollow jingling beat into my soul, and boy did that make me want to dance!

Finally, after seemingly endless repetitions the hymn mercifully came to its frenzied end. The final boom of the bass drum and the trilling of the tambourine behind me signaled to the mass that there would be no more refrains. Instead of being disappointed they erupted in yet another thunderous wave of hallelujah, amen, praise God…and a couple of assorted words in a language I had never heard before. No one sat down.

Again the army of little paper Jesus hand fans stapled to flat sticks, began to rapidly flutter everywhere like a wave of dying albino moths.  I was hot and sweaty and the breeze generated by the fanning women felt deliciously refreshing. The amen and praising of God name continued here and there until finally Brother Villa, who’d been standing hands on waist lovingly admiring the crowd, let loose with a deeply baritone, “Thank you Lord”!  This got another wave of holy praise going around the church, the chorus of voices rising up trying to reach the very heavens and then slowly finally fading out.

One by one finally everyone sat down. I could feel the sweat rolling down my back and soaking into the elastic band of my boxers…vaguely tickling. The atmosphere in the church was well past hot and humid, and the air sank heavily onto my head. Reverend Villa began to speak softly and I found myself  leaning forward, afraid to miss anything he said. He spoke words of salvation, of pain and suffering and of generosity. His deeply rich melodic tone was sing-song, now soft and serious, then sharp and staccato, finally pleadingly and painfully hoarse. With his words floating over the congregation in that stagnant air I pictured the Christ hanging, bleeding, dying, forgiving.  The message was mesmerizing and magical.

The corners of my eyes began to sting sharply from the sweat slowly trickling down my forehead, and I reached for the handkerchief that my mother had thoughtfully jammed into my back pocket when I left home that morning. As I averted my attention from the preacher I felt, rather than saw, someone looking in my direction. On the pew ahead of me, and a little to the right, I saw a large round-faced woman staring intently–at me.  She smiled and I cringed slightly.  She winked and pointed a pudgy finger directly at my nose.

To my left Robert nudged me and whispered, “I like mine better.”

To be continued……

From Donuts To Death

From Donuts to Death

Only The Lonely…

Where most people can claim to having had many friends in their lifetime I can claim to have had only three; and one of those existed only in my imagination.  It’s not that I deliberately set out to avoid as many friendships as possible, it was just the way I was raised—and I don’t necessarily consider that a bad thing.  It was what it was, and I have learned to accept that part of my life.

Because I’ve always been blessed with a good memory I have been fortunate enough to be able to recall certain episodes of my early life that should’ve faded long before I was even out of diapers.  As I’ve mentioned several times before, as a child I was small, weak, and sickly, and my mother thinking I was living on death’s door constantly hovered over me never letting me out of her sight.  Consequently, never letting me out of her sight meant that when I played, she was watching me; when I slept, I was within an arm’s length of her grasp; and when I went to the bathroom, she was waiting outside the door for me to finish.

I was rarely permitted to go outside at all, and whenever I did she made sure that I was never out of her sight.  The few times I was allowed to mingle with other neighborhood kids she would insist on monitoring our activities from her vantage point not more than ten feet away, yelling her disapproval when someone even looked like he was going to touch me.  That type of overbearing parental surveillance usually put a quick damper on any games we may have decided to play together, and sooner rather than later I would find that everyone had eventually drifted off leaving me by myself.  By the time I was old enough to be enrolled in kindergarten I was pretty much hardwired to be a loner.

I still remember her horror the day that I had to go off to kindergarten with the rest of the barrio brats and spend half a day out of her sight.  We walked the five blocks to Sherman Elementary School that morning, and every step of the way she held my hand so tightly that I all but lost feeling in every finger of my right hand.  About a block from the school she pulled me into a pastry shop and bought me a huge raspberry-jelly filled donut and a small bottle of milk.

“¡Mira!” she said, frowning as we sat at a small table.  “No se if they’re gonna feed you or not before you come home, so eat it all.”

“Mamá, it’s too big.”  I whined.

“Mira hijito, eat as much as you can and I’ll save the rest so you can eat it when you finish with school.”  She said simply.

I stuffed about half of that gigantic jelly donut into my little belly before she yanked me off the chair to resume our Sherman Elementary death march.

As we entered the schoolyard through a large chain link gate I remember seeing a large brick building with several tables set up in front of the doors; lines of moms and kids were standing in front of each one.  After studying the signs attached to each table my mother guided me up to one on our left and we took our place behind another mother holding a blond girl in a light blue dress with matching socks and white sandals.  She turned to look at me and smiled.  Not knowing what to do or say I looked down at my shoes, tugged at my suspenders and concentrated on not going wee-wee in my new short pants.  As if on cue my stomach gurgled and I stifled a burp.

Soon after my mother had filled out a few forms and was given a stack of papers to take home, a tall dark-haired woman wearing glasses took me by my other hand and began leading me towards the building.  As she started walking me in the direction of one of the large doors I looked back to see where my mother had gone.  She was still standing there, near the table, and she was crying like a baby, holding a dainty white handkerchief over her mouth with one hand while tightly clutching the white bag with the rest of my jelly donut in the other.  Suddenly realizing that I was probably being led away to some great and scary unknown I stiffened up and  let out a guttural scream.  Turning in the direction of my mother I twisted and pulled and tried to lunge away from my captor.

Apparently anticipating my reaction the woman quickly countered my move, scooped me up and into her arms, and tightly cradled me across her bosom.  Wildly kicking my feet and twisting my head under her arm I tightened all the muscles in  my body and tried to reach out for my mother while screaming as loud as my asthmatic lungs would allow.

Too late!  Before I knew it I had been carried into the dark building and into a room filled full of very small tables and chairs—and about a dozen wide-eyed kids.  They all seemed to be frozen in various poses, and they were all staring at me.  As she bent over and put me down on my feet I tried to make a quick escape through the now closed and locked door.  Quicker on her feet than I thought she’d be, she quickly side-stepped and blocked my escape.  Realizing that I had been outmaneuvered by the crafty ninja woman I pulled my last trick: I fell to the floor, closed my eyes and played dead.  When worked on my mother this tactic would usually stop all her efforts to make me do whatever it was she’d wanted me to do.  After a while of lying there motionless she would quietly  whisper in my ear telling me how silly I looked as a dead kid.  That would get me to giggling at first, then laughing full force.  Getting up from my death pose she’d hug me and  let me do, or have, whatever I’d played dead for.

That tried and true tactic didn’t work at all for me that morning (or ever again).  After playing dead for what seemed hours I eventually lost track of what the rest of the kids were doing.  Occasionally, and seemingly from far away, I would hear someone ask, “is he going to be OK?”, quickly followed by an adult type “shush”.  Finally, I squinted one eye open and the room’s ceiling came into view.  Hanging from it I saw cardboard numbers in various colors and sizes, all twirling around in the breeze created by a large metal fan positioned in a corner.  Getting up on one elbow I saw that everyone was now on the other side of the room sitting in a circle on the floor with their hands raised, some yelling out the names of the large letters that the teacher was raising above her head.

I felt tired and a little dizzy, the back of my head hurting from the hardwood floor, and I needed to go wee-wee.  Worse, my stomach was really gurgling now.  I slowly and quietly got up.  My knees felt a little shaky, and as I took a step I grabbed the edge of a table for balance.

“Frankie D ?”  I looked up to see that the teacher, still holding a red “R” in her hand, was now looking at me and smiling.  “You want to join us?”

“No, I have to go wee-wee.”  That sent the entire class into a hysterical laughing fit and caused the teacher to quickly stand and shush them quiet again.

“You mean you need to do number one, right?”  She sweetly inquired, walking slowly towards me.

“No, I have to wee-wee.”  More giggling and a couple of girls turned a bit red in the face.

“Well, Frankie D, when we have to go to the bathroom we either say we have to do number one or number two.”  She instructed.  “I think you were sleeping a little when we talked about that a little while ago.  So, number one is what you need to do, right?”

By now I was sure that whatever number was assigned to it, it was coming out sooner than later.  Besides, “wee-wee” was what my mother had always told me to say.  Unless, of course, it was “ca-ca”.

“I think so.” I answered, and suddenly I didn’t feel so good.  My stomach, which had just been gurgling until now, seemed to be doing somersaults.

“Come with me, Frankie D, I’ll show you where you have to go.”

Taking a step towards the teacher my head swooned and my legs felt like rubber.  As I started to bend forward she caught me under my arms, just in time for a giant burp to loudly escape my throat–followed closely by a load of semi-digested jelly donut and milk projectile vomited right onto the teacher’s midsection.

“CHRIST ALMIGHTY!”  Was what I remember her yelling as I went down to my knees.

“Guww…” was all I could manage for a response.   One more giant abdominal contraction that brought up a bitter stream of bile and drove me to the floor, and I was done.

Lots of yelling, the grating sound of tables and chairs being shoved around the floor, and little feet scurrying around is all I can recall hearing as I lay with my knees up to my chin.  I felt cold but strangely warm and moist in my mid-section.  Big hands wrapped themselves around my hips and I felt myself being pulled up.

“Careful, he’s pissed himself too.”  Some man was saying, and I wondered what that meant.

I must’ve passed out, or my mind has mercifully erased the memories of the next few hours, but some time later I found myself on a bed, of sorts—wrapped in a blanket.  The room was white and smelled a lot like when my mother swabbed my forehead with alcohol.  An older woman dressed in a white dress, with what I would learn later in life was a stethoscope dangling from her neck, entered my field of vision and asked me if I hurt anywhere.  I told her I didn’t hurt anywhere but wondered where my pants had gone.

“Oh, we washed them out along with your underpants, and they’re hung up drying now.  Would you like some water?”

“No,” I said, “but can I go home?

“Well honey, we’ll have to wait until your mother comes to pick you up.  We’ve sent someone from the school to notify her that you got a little sick.  So she should be here to take you home pretty soon.  But until then you can just rest there.”

I must’ve napped out again because the next thing I remember is my mother holding me tight against her shoulder and trying to get my slightly damp underpants on.

Thus went my very first day in school.  Not a banner day.

The memory of my subsequent kindergarten days at Sherman Elementary is spotty but I do remember not caring to participate in activities with the other kids.  I was happy to be left alone drawing or practicing writing in the classroom while the rest of the class was sent out to play during recess.  When I was forced to join the class outside my time would be spent isolated in a corner of the large playground searching for cloverleaves in the grass or collecting little smooth round stones.  I just didn’t care to be around anyone.  I enjoyed being alone.

The teacher, a real trooper, continued to try to convince me to join the group activities—and when I would acquiesce, I would usually start out OK but more often than not would soon find myself drifting away into my own world.  It was about then that I started talking to Jerry.

Pleased To Meet You…Won’t You Change Your Name?

l recall the very day, and almost the very moment, when my best friend Robert and I forever parted ways.  Because of one question, and one very succinct answer, his life and mine split and we each began to travel a path completely opposite from the other.  Picture a big “Y”…he went left and I went right.  Neither of us realized that it would happen then, nor did we understand that at that moment our lives would turn away from each other and would never ever cross again.  Prior to that particular moment our lives had been closely intertwined and we had shared a lot of good times.  I was fifteen and he was sixteen.

As I’ve alluded to in the previous paragraph, the beginning of the end of our friendship began with a simple question, and the event was permanently forged a few seconds later with an even simpler answer.  Had the answer to that question been any different, my life would have taken a very different path, and probably would have ended as tragically for me as it did for him.

But first, the beginning…

I guess it was one day after school, during my first semester in the seventh grade at John Marshall Junior High School that I first noticed him riding with the rest of us on our school bus home.  He was actually hard to miss, standing a head taller than the rest of us, and ruggedly handsome—causing the girls on the bus to whisper to each other and stifle silly giggles after shooting stealthy glances his way.  Ignoring everyone completely, and oblivious to the attention he was attracting, he stood staring blankly ahead rhythmically rocking from side to side with the rest of us as the ancient diesel bus lumbered noisily along Liberty Road.

As the bus screeched to a stop in front of King’s Market I quickly exited out the back doors and into the hot and humid afternoon sun.  Waiting for the bus to rumble off I held my breath until the black diesel exhaust cloud thinned out enough for me to check traffic and quickly walk across Liberty Road, already starting to buzz with the early afternoon traffic.  Glancing casually over my shoulder I noticed him walking a few yards behind me.  I quickly turned my attention back to where I was going, but not after having taken note of his neatly pleated khaki pants, intentionally long in the inseam to allow the cuffs to be folded up once over his tan spit-shined Florsheim capped toe dress shoes, and an untucked plaid cotton sport shirt worn over a white T-shirt and buttoned only at the collar.  Official pachuco uniform.  I immediately decided that this guy was a bad ass, and a big one at that.

Picking up my tempo I strained to listen for the clip-clop of his steel tapped heels, hoping they weren’t getting any louder, thus closer.  Keeping my head down and my ears open I was relieved when the sound of his steps on the cracked sidewalk began to fade slightly then disappear altogether.  I chanced a quick look over my right shoulder and saw that he’d turned off onto the street before mine.  Relieved, I took a quick breath and continued walking the remaining half block to my house at a much more relaxed pace.  Turning right onto my street I headed to our most recent rental.  A tiny house, even smaller than the one we’d lived in on House Street.

Our move had been prompted by a disagreement with the old landlord regarding the condition of our front yard and our inability to afford the rent because of the expense resulting from my mother’s sudden medical problems.  Caught in an ever-tightening financial noose my dad’s drinking increased and my mother swallowed her pride reaching out to my Tía Juanita for help.

Having lost her first husband to illness a few years back my aunt still lived in their old home on Jewell Street with her second husband.  Some time back she’d decided to purchase the two little houses on either side of her property with the intention of demolishing them and using the land for expansion and some landscaping. But before she had a chance to pick up a sledgehammer my mother begged her to let us move into one of them—rent free and temporarily—at least until we got back on our feet.  Taking pity on her little sister she decided to delay her original plans and agreed to let us move in.

And so it was that one hot and sticky evening my father, having borrowed a pickup from his job at Younger Brothers Trucking, piled our meager belongings into the bed of the truck and made the move from the house on House Street to the little hovel on Jewell Street.  At the time I didn’t know that Robert’s grandparents were living directly across the street of our rental, in a neat white frame home with cheery yellow shutters.

A few days later at school, and while going from one class to another, I spotted Robert (at the time I didn’t know his name) strolling down the hall with a group of local pachucos from the neighborhood.  Although I was familiar with most of the guys in the group, having gone through about six years of school with them, I made it my business to never have anything to do with them at any time.  They smoked, I didn’t; they regularly skipped school, I didn’t do that either; and they all carried finely sharpened switchblade knives in their socks.  I sure as hell didn’t.

They wore the Chicano Home Boys uniform of the day, looking all bad and cool, with their tan or black spit-shined Stacy-Adams dress shoes, and walking together with a little hitch to each step while casting menacing looks to all those who dared meet their half-lidded piercing gaze.  When not in school they entertained themselves, and earned a little money, by committing petty crimes such as, B & E, auto theft, burglary and shoplifting.  I, on the other hand not to be outdone, once brazenly snuck into a movie theater through the back door.  Sitting in the dark, and not even bothering to watch the movie, I was so frightened that I’d be caught that I had to run to the bathroom to throw up and pee—at the same time.  Yeah, I know—but I haven’t done those things in quite a while now.

Watching the cocky group stroll down the hallway parting the flood of oncoming students with just their steely stares, I wondered where this new guy had come from and, more importantly, exactly where he lived.  I knew where all the other pachucos lived and made sure I was never within a block of their houses when the sun went down, so I wanted to make damn sure I knew where this new threat made his bed.  I was soon to find out—and it was awfully close.

For the remainder of the semester I managed to avoid Robert the same way I avoided the other thugs.  I made sure not to be where they usually were, and in school I took classes that I knew they would avoid.  Everything worked out for me until school let out for the summer.

Early one Monday morning, on a typically hot and muggy June day, I was helping my mother do the weekly clothes washing.  She had recently acquired a used GE agitator washing machine complete with rubber rollers to squeeze-dry the wash once it had gone through the rinse cycle.  After she put the damp clothes into a straw basket it was my job to haul the basket out to the back yard and hang the laundry on the wire clotheslines she had strung between a couple of trees.

After hanging out the last load that morning I decided to walk around our house and into the front yard where a few trees provided some welcome shade from the hot morning sun.  Stretching out on the cool grass I was busy finding faces in the puffy white clouds when I heard someone whistle.  Startled, I sat up looking to find whoever it was that had whistled.  Again—but this time I localized it as coming from across the street.

Robert was standing inside the chain link fence surrounding the yellow shuttered white house across from ours.  He was leaning on the gate, one hand to his mouth forming the shrill whistle I’d heard, and the other hand lazily waving at me.

Standing up I stupidly pointed to myself while at the same time looking over both shoulders to see if someone had snuck up behind me.  No, no one there.

“¡Órale, ese!” (What’s up, Homey?) He said in a low strong voice.

“Me?”  I asked in a phlegmy whine.

“Yeah man, tú.”

“Oh, OK.  What?”

“Ven para acá.”  (Come here).

“Me?  Uh…I mean OK…..ese.”

Barefoot, and wearing only an old pair of ripped jeans and no shirt, I puffed my chest up, which caused my ribs to stick out even more than when I slouched, and started across the street.  That, in itself, was an act of absolute heroism for me since the street had recently been given a fresh layering of black tar, then coated with white shell, and walking barefoot across it was sheer torment.  Trying to look all manly, and swelled up to my full one hundred and five pounds, I swaggered painfully across the punishing shell road and was finally gratefully relieved when I reached the less agonizing baked mud ditch on the other side.

Opening the gate to the chain link fence he motioned me up the stairs to the small concrete porch and sat heavily down on a weathered wooden chair.  Yes, this was the same guy that I’d seen on the bus, but there was something different about him now.  About four inches taller than me and a good thirty pounds heavier, he somehow seemed less aloof than before.  Instead of the khaki pants and sport shirt buttoned at the collar, he was dressed in a white Tshirt, newish looking blue jeans folded up at the cuffs exposing a fairly new pair of black Chuck Taylor Converse All Stars.  Hardly hoodlum attire; at least for our neighborhood.

Pointing to a matching chair on the other side of the porch he said, “I saw you in school and on the bus, ese.” He stated as I sat down.

“Yeah, that was me.”

“¿Como te llamas?”  (What’s your name?)

“Frankie…no, I mean Frank.  Sí, me llamo Frank.”

“Frankie, ¿qué? He asked quizzingly.

“DeLeón.”

“No, ese.  I mean your nickname.”  He was starting to look annoyed.

“No tengo un nickname.  Nomas Frank.”  (Just Frank).  I was starting to sweat a little, and I didn’t think it was because of the heat.

“¡Que relaje, ese!  (Well, that sucks homey). Everyone tiene un nickname.  It’s a must, ese!  How else are vatos going to know you?”  He was definitely annoyed.

“I don’t know.” I moaned.  “Everyone just calls me Frankie…I mean Frank.”

He looked a little disgusted but slid back on the flat wood chair stroking the dark beginnings of a moustache on his upper lip.

“How about you?” I asked.

“Me, what?”

“¿Como te llamas?

“Robert.”  He said plainly.

“What’s your nickname?”

“I don’t have one.”

“But, I thought you said that everyone had a nickname?”

“Sí, vato, they do.”

“So why don’t you have a nickname?”

“I don’t need one, ese.  Robert or Beto is enough.  Pero, you should have one.  As skinny as you are you need to have a good nickname.  That way people can get a good impression of you right away.”

Well, that kind of made sense.  But, I was thinking, what goes with Frank?

Still stroking his upper lip he turned to me and said,  “Aver, Frank no vale nada (ain’t worth nothing), pero, ‘Frankie’ sí.  Así es que tu nickname va a ser…um…‘Frankie the Bear.’”

“What?!” That was the only thing I could think of to say.  “Frankie the Bear?  I don’t look like a bear!  Bears are fat and hairy, and I’m skinny and…..you know…not much hair.”

“Simón, ese.”  (Right on homey).  See, you’re like so opposite a bear that you should have a nickname that makes people think of you as a bear.  And that way they’ll be a little scared of you.”

Now, even as young and naïve as I was during that time I still thought it was bullshit and kind of stupid.  But fearing for my well being I just sat there and smiled.  Further, I’d just met this guy less than five minutes ago and he already thought enough of me to have tagged me with a nickname (street name).  OK, a stupid one! But his rationalization that a good street name would earn me some street cred made a bit of sense.  But, still……”Frankie the Bear?”

“Well I don’t know about ‘Frankie the Bear’, ese,”  I explained.  “I don’t think my mom will like it.”

“Well, it’s not for your mother to know anyway, vato! What’s wrong with you?”

“You don’t know my mom.”

We talked for at least a couple of hours while sitting on those hard chairs in the shade of that cool concrete porch.  Having just met, I should have been shocked at the openness of his conversation and the ease with which he divulged personal facts of his life.  I guess you could say we just hit it off.  I had just made a friend.  My first.

He went on to tell me that a few months ago he had left Corpus Christi, Texas, where he, his mother and sister had lived for a few years.  His mom, he explained, was a hard-willed and drug-addicted woman who had either been married and divorced multiple times, or had just lived with a succession of Latin lovers and had never been married at all.  Robert wasn’t sure.  He did remember his father though, because of all the men his mother had entertained over the years he had been the one that always came back and stayed the longest.  But he too would eventually leave them and never return to the coastal city.

Mom had decided on Houston because his grandparents had lived there for many years.  She had left home at a very young age and had never returned.  Now, though, with two kids she decided that it was time for her to come home.  They rented a small house not too far from the Our Lady of Sorrows Catholic Church, and a few blocks from her parents.

He and his sister had enrolled in school:  John Marshall Junior High for him and Breckenridge Elementary for the sister.  A few weeks after moving in mom had brought home some stray guy, and he’d liked her enough to stay on for a while.

Robert did not like the guy and apparently the feeling was mutual.  Trouble started brewing quickly. One night a fairly violent argument between his mother and the live-in boyfriend ended when Robert took a beer bottle to the guy’s head.  To avoid further confrontations, and to try to keep this guy’s paycheck coming home, his mother asked Robert’s grandparents to take him in.  They had agreed on the condition that both Robert and his sister would come to live with them.  It was agreed, and a few weeks later they had moved in right across the street from us.

After a couple of hours of talking I heard my mother calling.  Apparently the next load of freshly washed and squeezed dried damp clothes had been sitting in a basket waiting to be hung out.

I got up from the chair, “Orale, ese, me tengo que ir. (I have to go).  Mí mama me está llamando.” (My mom is calling me).

“Bueno, allí nos vemos.” (I’ll be seeing you).  He said casually.  “Pero dile a tu mamá que ya no te llamas Pancho. (But, tell your mom that you’re no longer named Frankie).  Te llamas Frankie the Bear.”

Yeah, that’s going to work out really well for me.

Although I didn’t realize it then, I had just made my first real friend.  It was one of those things that just happened to me so quickly and so naturally that I didn’t even take notice.  Walking back across the street to my house I somehow felt that I had known Robert all my life.  He fit neatly into a space in my being that until now had been occupied by an imaginary creation.

Besides Robert, and a few acquaintances around school, no one ever knew that I had now been christened “Frankie the Bear.”  I sure as hell never told anyone.  Thankfully, I was still “Frank” to almost everyone I knew, and “Frankie” to my aunts and uncles.  To my mother I was “Frank, Frankie, Pancho, Panchito, Francisco, and flaco (skinny); depending on her mood at the time, and the nature of the occasion.  I usually ran and hid when I heard her call for “FRANCISCO!”

Soon, Jerry would be all but forgotten.

 A Deal Is Struck

Given my body (skinny), and my normal demeanor (skittish), as a teen I was not much for settling disagreements with my fists.  Anytime I sensed a confrontation I would either remove myself from the situation pronto, or blithely try to talk myself out of it.  One day Robert asked why I was never around when the honor of our neighborhood (El Crisol) was being defended from some verbal slight delivered by some other neighborhood—say, Magnolia Gardens. I told him that when the fists started flying I usually ran for the nearest hiding place. His eyes went real dark and squinty and he asked me point-blank if I even knew how to fight. In the most honest moment of my entire life I told him I did not. His glare went soft and he said, “Well, we need to fix that.”

In spite of all my physical shortcomings I was a pretty good student.  My report card usually displayed “A’s”, with an occasional sprinkling of “B’s”.  On the other hand, Robert was not the scholarly type, and given that his attendance was spotty at best, he’d be lucky to get passed on to the next grade at the end of the semester.

“OK,” he started.  “I can teach you how to fight if you help me do schoolwork.”

“I don’t want to learn how to fight.”  I countered.  “Besides, we don’t even have the same classes.”

“That’s what makes it perfect.”  He said.  “You’re smart, and the classes I take should be easy for you, so you do my homework and I teach you to fight.  And….since you’re pretty skinny and even if you did know how to fight you’d probably just get your ass kicked—so I can take care of you too.  Kinda protect you, ¿vez ese?” (You see, homey?)

“Well,” I said warily.  “I guess we could give it a try.  But, when would I have time to have you teach me to fight?”

“Do my homework when I need it done, and when you come over to give it back to me we can go into my grandfather’s garage and practice.  One homework, one fighting lesson.”

“Umm, I guess.”  I mumbled.

“Sure, ese,”  he said proudly, “if you don’t want to start fights at least I can show you how to defend yourself.”

Well, that didn’t sound so bad, so I agreed.

Over the next few months I would help Robert with assignments that he would be having trouble with, always being careful to have him copy them in his own hand before turning them in.  In return we would go into the little garage, and after moving his grandfather’s little Ford coupé out, engage in some physical self-defense exercises.

Mostly the lessons centered on how to fight dirty.  Kicks to the groin, fingers to the eyes, and if the opponent is on the ground knee drops to the neck and/or head.  Most importantly, even if the other guy quits you keep on hitting and kicking until he can’t get up.

I was not a good student, and soon Robert realized that despite his efforts I would never have the ability to successfully mount, or even defend, an attack.  After a few weeks he finally just said, “Look, if someone threatens you or asks to meet you after school to fight, just tell me.  I’ll take care of it for you.”  Perfect!

It must’ve not taken long for the word to spread that “Frankie (the Bear)” was Robert’s friend, and Robert’s blurring fists would answer any harm coming my way. And in case you’re wondering—no, we were painfully straight. None of us knew, or at least admitted we knew, that there were guys that liked guys…you know.

One Saturday evening, after receiving one of Robert’s lessons in dirty street fighting, he casually asked if I’d like to go to church. Thinking that perhaps Robert wanted to make sure I’d have somewhere to go after he’d groin-kicked me to death, I timidly responded, “…uh, I don’t know.” I quickly added that I’d been to the Catholic Church down the street with my mom once, but after deciding that we weren’t sure what was going on there we never went again.

“Yeah” he said, “I used to go too, but the ‘cura’ (priest) asked if I would like to be an altar boy, but I don’t do anything that allows me to be called boy. Instead, mis abuelos and I go to the Pentecostal church sometime—wanna go?”

Not wanting to put a dent into our now comfortable relationship I agreed to ask my mother if I could go. She curiously agreed with the admonition that I not embarrass our family by acting stupid. I agreed. This seemingly simple conversation and the subsequent Sunday visit would set in motion events that would profoundly affect and forever change my life, and that of my mother’s and father’s. These events would ultimately lead to my mother’s severe depression and loss of self-esteem, and the damnation of my father’s soul.

“Y”

“Hey, ozito,” (little bear) Robert asked.  “Do you want to do something with me tonight?”

“Don’t know, what?”  I questioned.

“Well, you know that laundromat on Quitman Street, the one with the big glass windows in front?”

“I think so.”

“So tonight, me and a couple of vatos are planning to break in through the back door to get some money.”

“Robert, it’s a laundromat not a bank!  There are washers in there.”  I quipped with some impatience.

“No, ese.  They also have some candy machines there, and they’re easy to break into.  We can get a lot of money out of them.”

Probably seeing the sudden fear flashing across my face, he added, “You don’t have to break in with us, all you have to do is wait out front and be a lookout.  Afterwards we split the money evenly.  What do you think, vato?”

“No, Robert.  I can’t do that.  Not only is it dangerous, but if I get caught I’ll be sent to Gatesville.” (The boys’ reform school in South Texas).  “No.”

“OK, vato.  I have to go now.  See you tomorrow.”  He walked off, shoulders squared.  As I watched him go I had no way of knowing that it would be the last time I would ever see him.

Robert and Frankie the Bear would be no more.

 **********

 It was a small entry on page five in the morning edition of the Houston Press:

“Local Businessman Shoots Three”

It went on to say that the owner of a local laundromat had caught three teens vandalizing his vending machines and had opened fire with his .22 carbine rifle.  One teen was dead at the scene and two others had been admitted to the Jeff Davis Emergency Room with serious injuries.  One teen had sustained six bullet wounds to the back and side, and the other had been shot through the right arm, with the bullet still lodged near his heart.  Both were expected to survive, and were to be arraigned in Juvenile Court as soon as they were able to be released from the hospital.

Robert was sentenced to nine months at the Gatesville Reform School for Boys, and after many operations to remove the bullet and fix nerve damage, he never regained the use of his right arm.

Fifty years later, while serving a fifty year term for manufacturing and dealing various drugs, he died in Huntsville State Prison in Huntsville, Texas, of a massive heart attack.